People tend to take the road taken by other people-which they know, and just follow the open path, taking a enjoyable, sweet and smooth journey down the road.
For me, I wanted to try a new road, but I am scared that I can't turn my head back. Also, I think I am afraid of walking too far from the road I am taking, and wanted to turn back before it's too late to do so.
As for now, I have 2 choices to choose from: To continue my journey, which was to follow the road that I had chosen, and see what is at the end of the road; OR To turn my head back, to where all things started, and have a new journey, new experience and a different ending(though I still don't know if both the ending is the same).
What if I turn back, and I found out that this is also not the road that I should take, the other is the one??then, regret..What if I change my mind again?? What if i made the wrong dicision?? How is my future?? What will I become?? What if I don't have a job to do?? What if i become a psychic??What if...What if..
too many what if...
BUT, the thing is, when u never walk till the end of the road, you will never know what is behind the bushes at the end of it. You will never know how the fruit taste like, sweet or sour.
Nothing really have a definite answer till one made a decision which leads to it.
Then, how???What should I do????
CONFUSED!!!SCARED!!!DEPRESSED!!
October 31, 2005
October 27, 2005
Fever~
Yesterday, out of no where, I've got a fever. I don't feel sick, don't feel anything wrong, just got a hot burning feel under my skin, and cold freezing outside.
Denggi????That's the latest sickness in Penang. and most cases happen in where I stay now.
But, how can??It should be 7-14 days of incubation period before the fever and all sorts of ache starts. I was still in KL then...
What ever, I still have got a slight fever now(38 degree celcius), have to really get some rest and drink lots of water. I still have lots of notes to cover!!!
God! please give me more time!
Denggi????That's the latest sickness in Penang. and most cases happen in where I stay now.
But, how can??It should be 7-14 days of incubation period before the fever and all sorts of ache starts. I was still in KL then...
What ever, I still have got a slight fever now(38 degree celcius), have to really get some rest and drink lots of water. I still have lots of notes to cover!!!
God! please give me more time!
October 25, 2005
Cleared my mind
After 6 months of break from the world, doing nothing...just have an enjoyable time, doing all things that is considered as "wasting of time", now, to prepare for exam is like hell.
Studying is very tiring. Not to say wanted to put things into my brain, but to just read through the lecture notes are damn hard to concentrate. Is it that I left out my brain too much that it become less useful,rotten, and half a beat slower that other people's.
What should I do??
I know...I have to pull my socks up and keep my feet on the floor, eyes looking forward and keep running towards my target! Okie~ here's the problem. Do I have a real target in life? I thought all I have in my life is just enjoyment, fun, relax,spending money, be adorable and wasting all the time in the world, plus the additional thing is to just make my asset-youth, just go on without accomplish anything. What a waste! Time is non recyclable. Past tense is never will be a present tense. Today will be tomorrow's yesterday, and things one have not done cannot be replaced by time.
Future! What I have to do is to prepare for it, make my all my steps everyday an achivement! Not by doing something big, but just to make my everyday life useful~
Can I??
Just look forward and make a step!
Studying is very tiring. Not to say wanted to put things into my brain, but to just read through the lecture notes are damn hard to concentrate. Is it that I left out my brain too much that it become less useful,rotten, and half a beat slower that other people's.
What should I do??
I know...I have to pull my socks up and keep my feet on the floor, eyes looking forward and keep running towards my target! Okie~ here's the problem. Do I have a real target in life? I thought all I have in my life is just enjoyment, fun, relax,spending money, be adorable and wasting all the time in the world, plus the additional thing is to just make my asset-youth, just go on without accomplish anything. What a waste! Time is non recyclable. Past tense is never will be a present tense. Today will be tomorrow's yesterday, and things one have not done cannot be replaced by time.
Future! What I have to do is to prepare for it, make my all my steps everyday an achivement! Not by doing something big, but just to make my everyday life useful~
Can I??
Just look forward and make a step!
October 24, 2005
Me who is not myself, but i am myself
It's really odd u know...how u discover you are not you anymore. It's not really that i really care who I am,but I needed to get back to myself who are a girl who don't really care much on what other think of her,how other people see her as in person, it's really great to be back again...but how??
I know it's hard and time really flies. Things have changed.
Last time, I am a real loner, and I can just handle all my time for myself.
Now, I have my dear dear in my life, and I have to consider him into my schedule.
Is it that I don have to schedule into my life??and just be myself again??and always do things my way?? then??will he ever be considered as my dear dear any more??will we lose contact??will we become strangers when we meet??
Last time, I can have a total concentration on my studies without get distracted by material things around me.
Now, I lost concentration not only on material things, but my heart just don't beat at the right beat, and my mind just can't point at my target.
Is it that my dear dear's fault, that we just started at the wrong time??Is it that my brain is just about to play, to relax and just to waste all my life doing nothing, achive nothing?? Is it that I am a total loser that I have no point, and can't contribute anything to the world??or even to contribute any achivement for my own living??
Last time, I just have lots and lots of self respect towards myself, that i don't care what u think. All I am doing is just being myself, and I am proud that I have my own identity that I don't have to compare myself to others.
Now, I looked down on myself and say:"u, this girl; don't know how to make yourself as like a girl. You just look too ordinary to live, to go out shopping also."
Is it that the whole KL life just make me more self conscious that I have to make over my whole self, I have to look more like what I should be like, and not just to be ME??Is it that it's just a process of mental growing, that I am now going into womanhood??or I just don't have confidence to be myself again. I pity the ex-self and wanted to be a new one??then who is that new ME??
Too much, to much to compare...
Who Am I???
I am really confused, heart broken, down and sad for those changes in me!! HOW???
Do i have to change back to my old-self??or I just have to continue letting my heart lead my way through my life??
Will people start to see me as a very "unknown" person if I change myself too much??then, start to hate me??
All questions in my mind.....
I know it's hard and time really flies. Things have changed.
Last time, I am a real loner, and I can just handle all my time for myself.
Now, I have my dear dear in my life, and I have to consider him into my schedule.
Is it that I don have to schedule into my life??and just be myself again??and always do things my way?? then??will he ever be considered as my dear dear any more??will we lose contact??will we become strangers when we meet??
Last time, I can have a total concentration on my studies without get distracted by material things around me.
Now, I lost concentration not only on material things, but my heart just don't beat at the right beat, and my mind just can't point at my target.
Is it that my dear dear's fault, that we just started at the wrong time??Is it that my brain is just about to play, to relax and just to waste all my life doing nothing, achive nothing?? Is it that I am a total loser that I have no point, and can't contribute anything to the world??or even to contribute any achivement for my own living??
Last time, I just have lots and lots of self respect towards myself, that i don't care what u think. All I am doing is just being myself, and I am proud that I have my own identity that I don't have to compare myself to others.
Now, I looked down on myself and say:"u, this girl; don't know how to make yourself as like a girl. You just look too ordinary to live, to go out shopping also."
Is it that the whole KL life just make me more self conscious that I have to make over my whole self, I have to look more like what I should be like, and not just to be ME??Is it that it's just a process of mental growing, that I am now going into womanhood??or I just don't have confidence to be myself again. I pity the ex-self and wanted to be a new one??then who is that new ME??
Too much, to much to compare...
Who Am I???
I am really confused, heart broken, down and sad for those changes in me!! HOW???
Do i have to change back to my old-self??or I just have to continue letting my heart lead my way through my life??
Will people start to see me as a very "unknown" person if I change myself too much??then, start to hate me??
All questions in my mind.....
October 23, 2005
A day at home
Sunday~everyone in the house will be at home today.
I had my breakfast-char kuei teow, which papi bought back home. Though it is a bit cold already, but it still taste ok~
Then, saw mummy sweeping and mopping the floor...makes me feel determinated to clean my room also. I started by clearing my table, clearing and wiping dust in my room. Then, clean my bathroom. The whole process takes me bout 2 hours, and my room looks and feel better:D
I make a bit of efford to push myself to study some of my notes..but, it's really boring~just get to do a few chapters.
almost forgot~papi cooked whole chicken for lunch,with rice. Not bad, just that the rice is half rice and porriege.
As for dinner, I went to MacD myself, coz my parents went to dinner with their friends and my bro have a date with his girl friend; and my dear dear have a dinner with his family members.I bought a fillet-o-fish back home, so that i can watch Initial D.
I had my breakfast-char kuei teow, which papi bought back home. Though it is a bit cold already, but it still taste ok~
Then, saw mummy sweeping and mopping the floor...makes me feel determinated to clean my room also. I started by clearing my table, clearing and wiping dust in my room. Then, clean my bathroom. The whole process takes me bout 2 hours, and my room looks and feel better:D
I make a bit of efford to push myself to study some of my notes..but, it's really boring~just get to do a few chapters.
almost forgot~papi cooked whole chicken for lunch,with rice. Not bad, just that the rice is half rice and porriege.
As for dinner, I went to MacD myself, coz my parents went to dinner with their friends and my bro have a date with his girl friend; and my dear dear have a dinner with his family members.I bought a fillet-o-fish back home, so that i can watch Initial D.
Adventure at Taiping
Started my day with a breakfast with my dear dear at dim sum restaurant opposite KDU~just because i am very excited that he is back in Penang and wanted to see him badly...though it's raining quite heavily, and it's quite hard to see properly when i drive,but,wat to do??it's all coz of my "blind" love towards him:D
Bout 1pm, me and my family and also my bro's girl friend-Irene, start our journey to Taiping. My dad saw the article bout fire flies in a mangrove in Matang(paya bakau Matang)~it's situated in Kampung Menteri in Matang, which is bout 10km drive exit Taiping south.
On the way to Taiping, we stopped-by at Nibong Tebal to have our lunch. Then, have a short walk around lake garden as there are lots of time left to that which papi made appointment with our tour guide. My bro happily take photographs there of me and his girl friend, also taken some for my parents;and papi, take all his "tools" there and "korek" some lotus from a lotus lake near the lake garden.
The tuor guide is the president of Malaysia Nature's Society(Perak). He is a botanist,which according to him, he have a collection of plants in his house near Taiping lake gardens. When i first heard that he is a botanist, the thing that crossed my mind is Mr. "hor"- my form6 biology teacher. The interesting is this fellow knows how and when to tell jokes, and he can comments on things(mostly plants) in nature(along the way to the mangrove). It's really interesting to listen to wat he tell us.
Do you know that: the nymph of fire flies feed on snails and the adult feed on a liquid of one of the species of the bakau tree. However, the snails live only if the sea level and the wave is at a almost constant level.The adult fire fly which feeds on the liquid, is a pollinator for the bakau tree. So, it's like having an ecosystem class in nature that the bakau tree, the fire flies and the snails live in symbiosis, that neither one can be absent or else, the whole system will collapes.AMAZING!!
The whole boat trip on the river to see fire flies takes bout 3 hours, and it's not just the fire flies which "decorate" trees like christmas tree, but also the search for crocodile~yup!crocodiles, and the boat man is really a pro in searching for them. We manage to see 1 which is when it is preying for monkeys near the trees, though it's just a short while...and we feel satisfy that we have seen the fire flies and also a crocodile:D
ok...want to sleep liao~very tired after a whole long day~
Bout 1pm, me and my family and also my bro's girl friend-Irene, start our journey to Taiping. My dad saw the article bout fire flies in a mangrove in Matang(paya bakau Matang)~it's situated in Kampung Menteri in Matang, which is bout 10km drive exit Taiping south.
On the way to Taiping, we stopped-by at Nibong Tebal to have our lunch. Then, have a short walk around lake garden as there are lots of time left to that which papi made appointment with our tour guide. My bro happily take photographs there of me and his girl friend, also taken some for my parents;and papi, take all his "tools" there and "korek" some lotus from a lotus lake near the lake garden.
The tuor guide is the president of Malaysia Nature's Society(Perak). He is a botanist,which according to him, he have a collection of plants in his house near Taiping lake gardens. When i first heard that he is a botanist, the thing that crossed my mind is Mr. "hor"- my form6 biology teacher. The interesting is this fellow knows how and when to tell jokes, and he can comments on things(mostly plants) in nature(along the way to the mangrove). It's really interesting to listen to wat he tell us.
Do you know that: the nymph of fire flies feed on snails and the adult feed on a liquid of one of the species of the bakau tree. However, the snails live only if the sea level and the wave is at a almost constant level.The adult fire fly which feeds on the liquid, is a pollinator for the bakau tree. So, it's like having an ecosystem class in nature that the bakau tree, the fire flies and the snails live in symbiosis, that neither one can be absent or else, the whole system will collapes.AMAZING!!
The whole boat trip on the river to see fire flies takes bout 3 hours, and it's not just the fire flies which "decorate" trees like christmas tree, but also the search for crocodile~yup!crocodiles, and the boat man is really a pro in searching for them. We manage to see 1 which is when it is preying for monkeys near the trees, though it's just a short while...and we feel satisfy that we have seen the fire flies and also a crocodile:D
ok...want to sleep liao~very tired after a whole long day~
October 21, 2005
My Dear Dear is Back in Penang too~
My dear dear-Apple will be back in penang today. He should take the bus yesterday night since he don have any class today~but he just...aih....never mind, as long as we can meet up in Penang very soon~just miss him so much.
Today, the whole day~i am going up and down the stairs of my house just to keep myself busy. Actually i have piles of notes to read through,but, it's really boring, just to sit there,staring at those phrases on the papers. So, what can i do??i still have to read through them before my exam in this 3 weeks time...ok, wat i do is, to and fro from my laptop and my notes~of course, it's like 10 mins on my notes and 30 on my laptop:P
Papi bought fresh salmon back today~yum yum...with wasabi:D
great to be at home!!!!
Today, the whole day~i am going up and down the stairs of my house just to keep myself busy. Actually i have piles of notes to read through,but, it's really boring, just to sit there,staring at those phrases on the papers. So, what can i do??i still have to read through them before my exam in this 3 weeks time...ok, wat i do is, to and fro from my laptop and my notes~of course, it's like 10 mins on my notes and 30 on my laptop:P
Papi bought fresh salmon back today~yum yum...with wasabi:D
great to be at home!!!!
Back in Penang from UM
I'm back in Penang after a month long in UM for "study" week. Even our uni only let us have 2 weeks to pull up our socks, but i get 3 weeks:P that is from 19Oct to 9Nov....chun chun 3 weeks, 21 days:D
Though i longed for char kuei teow and all sorts of hawker food when i'm in KL, however, being able to get back home, and to just empty my brain when meal times, it's cool!! I don have to think bout what i have to eat...and if i can finish wat i have ordered. The best thing is i don't have to pay to eat~
e.g. for yesterday,
Dinner-just go to grandma's house to pick up wat ever i like to have
Lunch-"this 1 have to pay~bo huat~coz my best cousin Yuan wan to eat out
today morning, bread with my parents at home(today is public holiday, which mom don have to work, and papi can go office later in the morning)
easy right??all things just have to use other people's brain to think wat to eat, i don have to use mine:D
okie~talk bout yesterday~
Yuan was saying she wanted to go to a tea house in Pulau Tikus to eat the "salad cheese roll"-it's some sort of using skin of poh piah with cheese inside, then, deep fry the whole thing. Then, both of us went shopping in Praingin Mall, which i suggested that:P
I bought a skirt cost RM40+,and a blouse cost RM14+. I also bought a telephone for my room, coz my big bro took mine from my room when i am in UM-which cost RM19+.
yah yah~almost forgot~grandma cooked "black chicken" soup for all of us. I suggested that she cook that for us, coz i like the smell of the ginseng with the essense of the "true" chicken. That's for supper-very fattening??it's ok for me...coz i need that:)
That's almost all i can say for now~need to start studying dee~
Though i longed for char kuei teow and all sorts of hawker food when i'm in KL, however, being able to get back home, and to just empty my brain when meal times, it's cool!! I don have to think bout what i have to eat...and if i can finish wat i have ordered. The best thing is i don't have to pay to eat~
e.g. for yesterday,
Dinner-just go to grandma's house to pick up wat ever i like to have
Lunch-"this 1 have to pay~bo huat~coz my best cousin Yuan wan to eat out
today morning, bread with my parents at home(today is public holiday, which mom don have to work, and papi can go office later in the morning)
easy right??all things just have to use other people's brain to think wat to eat, i don have to use mine:D
okie~talk bout yesterday~
Yuan was saying she wanted to go to a tea house in Pulau Tikus to eat the "salad cheese roll"-it's some sort of using skin of poh piah with cheese inside, then, deep fry the whole thing. Then, both of us went shopping in Praingin Mall, which i suggested that:P
I bought a skirt cost RM40+,and a blouse cost RM14+. I also bought a telephone for my room, coz my big bro took mine from my room when i am in UM-which cost RM19+.
yah yah~almost forgot~grandma cooked "black chicken" soup for all of us. I suggested that she cook that for us, coz i like the smell of the ginseng with the essense of the "true" chicken. That's for supper-very fattening??it's ok for me...coz i need that:)
That's almost all i can say for now~need to start studying dee~
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