Me who is not myself, but i am myself

It's really odd u know...how u discover you are not you anymore. It's not really that i really care who I am,but I needed to get back to myself who are a girl who don't really care much on what other think of her,how other people see her as in person, it's really great to be back again...but how??

I know it's hard and time really flies. Things have changed.

Last time, I am a real loner, and I can just handle all my time for myself.
Now, I have my dear dear in my life, and I have to consider him into my schedule.
Is it that I don have to schedule into my life??and just be myself again??and always do things my way?? then??will he ever be considered as my dear dear any more??will we lose contact??will we become strangers when we meet??

Last time, I can have a total concentration on my studies without get distracted by material things around me.
Now, I lost concentration not only on material things, but my heart just don't beat at the right beat, and my mind just can't point at my target.
Is it that my dear dear's fault, that we just started at the wrong time??Is it that my brain is just about to play, to relax and just to waste all my life doing nothing, achive nothing?? Is it that I am a total loser that I have no point, and can't contribute anything to the world??or even to contribute any achivement for my own living??

Last time, I just have lots and lots of self respect towards myself, that i don't care what u think. All I am doing is just being myself, and I am proud that I have my own identity that I don't have to compare myself to others.
Now, I looked down on myself and say:"u, this girl; don't know how to make yourself as like a girl. You just look too ordinary to live, to go out shopping also."
Is it that the whole KL life just make me more self conscious that I have to make over my whole self, I have to look more like what I should be like, and not just to be ME??Is it that it's just a process of mental growing, that I am now going into womanhood??or I just don't have confidence to be myself again. I pity the ex-self and wanted to be a new one??then who is that new ME??

Too much, to much to compare...

Who Am I???

I am really confused, heart broken, down and sad for those changes in me!! HOW???
Do i have to change back to my old-self??or I just have to continue letting my heart lead my way through my life??
Will people start to see me as a very "unknown" person if I change myself too much??then, start to hate me??

All questions in my mind.....