switching holiday mode --> pia mode

Everytime, I love coming back and forth KL <-> PG. However, it's very easy to switch off the pia mode/ so called study mode to lazy mode. But, it's hard to switch back the mode. High determination and brain power for me (and maybe other ppl) to switch back the mode.

I am really working very hard, trying to achive my target, not to be said useless by ppl, or that to be seen none by ppl, that I am just a so so ppl, and won't achieve anything in life. On the other hand, I that kind that is very lazy and very easily attracted to something of influenced by the evil side of my spirit.

Thats y...I have to love myself much more than anybody loves me; I have to learn to be independent mentally, that I wont be easily influenced or attracted by anything; that I have to be myself, the angel side of me to achive freedom for myself, not dependent mentally by ppl who "see me no"; to achieve my target, without fear of how ppl might look at me.

My moto, in additional to enjoy, will be temporary: 自恋，自爱，自习，自由，自己！！
p/s: is kind of very selfish moto, all thinking only bout me and myself, but this is how ppl grow, and climb to achieve his/her target. I have that kind of spirit and thought to help others, but just wait till I achieve wat I wanted to 1st. Hope this thought and spirit will stay long with me:p

3rd day of CNY

Yesterday night, I have had a small gathering of my ex form 6 class mates in Ling Ling's house. Met some frens that I have never seen them for very long time.

Before the gathering, Feng Chen, Siu Chong and Tzuin Twee came to my house to have a visit and have a small chit chat with me. Its a long time since I have been sitting down, talking to Feng Chen and Tzuin Twee.

In Ling Ling's house, met Ai Chien, who I never met for a long long time^.^

We played cards, which that the rule is the loser will have to drink sort of a mixure of donno wat. I drank a few times for losing and for the sake of my stupid brain and my unstopable mouth. --> that today morning, my stomach keep disturbing me, and I have to go toilet for a flush of my stomach. However, It's fun playing with frens:D

After the whole thing, Suat Hwa came to my house to stay over night. Not bad lor~ Talk the whole night till we felt sleepy and sleep at bout 2+ am. Talk lots of things out...that now I know I really still have ppl to share my experience with:D Thanks a lot my fren^-^

my new year

icon: rainbow, rising sun, sun flower

mind set: target, mission, vision, achivement, management

songs: filled with energy that can keep me moving

colour: pink and green

hobby: drama + still thinking of more

important dates: my birthday

food: to keep myself healthy

favorites: bed, book, laptop and my diary

my child: nokia 6233

29th day of 12 month of lunar calendar

Still 2 more days to chinese new year~

Today was very tiring~ morning, woke up at 6.30am, when to the market to buy pork and kuih for grandma. Those were for the ceremony to get blessing from grandpa.

Then, when to the Oh Kongsi for the ceremony. Half way thru the ceremony, me and my best cousin, Yuan curi keluar, makan tosai and roti tisu~ so full....but the thing I can ORZ to Yuan is that she can take dumplings after that. '''

Then, do some shopping on behalf of my grandma as she needs lots of help during chinese new year since she has not fully recover from the spraining of her waist. Bought layer cakes from sunflower, which cost RM 72 for 2kg(OMG!!), and then to sunshine farlim for peanuts and some sweets.

Oh ya...when to service my car too....
My clutch is now normal d~ and the whole service thing cost RM111-->erm, maybe kena potong, but wat to do? its near cny and ppl need to get all the money they can.

Back home, make jelly, which turns out to be, erm...a bit dissapointed:p:p:p
Then, have a good rest for 1 hour...hahahahahaha!!!

p/s: so hot~ my brain's melted!!

自恋

有一天~看综艺节目，看着看着，我发现自恋的人很有魅力。e.g. 汪大东--〉我现在temperary的最爱！！

自恋，会提升自己的自信心，有了自信，魅力就自然散发出来了~
自恋，是因为俗语说：要爱人，就先要爱自己；所以，就该先学习自爱~
自恋，会不论在任何情况下，不论他人对你有和评语，都会坚强的向前走~

我自恋吗？目前还没练成。。。我还在自私里徘徊~
我现在要学的自恋，是自恋，但不自私！

感谢上天！

虽然有时我会觉得很无助，很没有存在感，不懂生存的意义是啥~ 但，我能很肯定的说，老天很疼我~每当我有啥计划，它都会帮我实现。。。

老天，我会为了您给我的疼惜，把我的生活活得更精彩，更有意义。
我会加油加油加油~

谢谢您~THANK YOU!!!!!

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year is just around the corner~
For we chinese, no matter how modern we are, or no matter how westernised we are, chinese new year seems to be more new year to us than that of 1st January. Even though we go for count down on 31st of Dec (new year's eve), but, the eve of chinese new year seems to be more meaningful than that of going countdown.
Why? because according to chinese culture, family members gather around a table, gather in a house(specific location that is known to be "the place"), then have new year eve dinner together.

In modern days, everyone have their own life, have own jobs and own family (discrete). Hence, CNY is the best time for every1 to meet up, to stay in connection, to know each other's life during the pass year, etc, etc....

I love CNY...or any celebration~ I love seeing ppl being happy, enjoying and in positive mood. Though I am always sitting in a corner, but I love looking at ppl who is enjoying the moment~ This makes me feel positive and enjoyable too...
I love going countdown or party also~ why? because I love the mood and the atmosphere~

Ppl may look at me and say that I am not enjoying the atmosphere becoz I am always in a corner, but that's never true...
I am in the corner becoz I love looking and analyse ppl. This makes me feel how ppl is feeling and get into the feeling too.

CNY....every1 will spring clean the whole house for the coming new year...coz of laziness(excuse), and in cny, no such excuse can be given; coz of lack of time during normal days(another excuse); coz new year is suppose to be "new" in every aspect?.....

outstanding

For one to be outstanding/to be seen, without any extra knowledge or anything special, wat i realise is that u can be extremely loving in ppl's eyes or that u can choose to be extremely hated by ppl.

I, in this case can't be outstanding becoz I am not in both extemities.
I know I am known, as some1, but not a special 1.
I know some ppl hated me, but not till the extremes.
I know ppl loves me, but that is just till the ok stage.
I am not the 1 that wanted or ever dreamt to be some1 special~I want to be ordinary. U know y? becoz ar~ today la~ I think, if all ppl are the same, then y want to be special? u can't take that into ur coffin rite?
but this is bluff myself 1....
wat to do? just do my best in everything I decided to do in every stage of my life...

The new stage of my life just begun~I will live it to the best and make it better~

p/s: if ppl say i mean it from the bottom of my heart, he/she doesn't mean it...coz......it's in his/her liver...hahahaha....

手放开

一向来，我都是那拿得起，有很容易放得下的人。这次，我之所以很辛苦，可能是因为我的手还是紧紧地握着吧~
很想放开手，心中却充满了一万个不舍，心中，莫名的期待着不可能中的可能。放开手，是我现在唯一应该做的。但是，心里一阵阵的剧痛，脑里浮现的幻想，期望，让我心结紧紧地加上了几个死结。
等待，是一种幸福。但是，等待一个不可能，是一种折磨。
放开，是一种解脱。同时，放开是很艰难的事。

我的未来，充满了无限的可能性~但是，就因为无限，所以害怕面对。因为无限，所以看不到。因为无限，所以宁愿止步，停留在过去。
一个人的伤，一个人的无牵挂~
如果我一个人的悲，换来的事你的前途，就让我悲，就让我伤，就让我痛。。。让成全，成为我继续爱你的方式。

后悔

如果对自己的选择后悔，就像从来一次；那么，人生就只能在悔恨中度过，永远无法往前进。人不能后悔，也没有权力后悔。

探险

曾经，有人对我说，人生如果是平淡的，没有成就，没有刺激，那么，人生的日记，在年老的时候翻回，日记本里写的，都是没有价值，没有意义的~今天，现在的我，刚刚相同了这点--〉可能你们会觉得我是在欺骗自己，但，先听听我的解释，看看我的想法呗！

就说现在的我是21岁，十年前的我，何曾想过这些年后的今天，我经历过了什么？看过什么人生的丑陋？我生命中曾经出现过什么重要的人？今天我会在哪里？今天我会在过怎样的生活？我的生活中会有什么不可缺少的东西？
十年前，在我的记忆中，这些这些，都从来没有在我的脑海中飘过。
可能，你会说，十年前，我还是个黄毛丫头，很无知，还不成熟，还没有那么多想法。。。同样的，再过十年，看会今天的我，回想，我怎么都没有想过今天的我会在这，会在做啥，会经历啥，会遇见什么人，会怎样怎样的。。。那时，我会回头，像当年，我是那么的笨，那么的白痴，那么的无知，那么的单纯。。。

所以，我的意识是，过一天算一天，不论是否平淡，是否有刺激，那还是我生命中的一天。如果我从来没有今天，何来明天？何有未来？何有十年后的我？
是啦~今天的努力才有明天/未来的成就。所以啊~我们要在我们活着的每一天，都是在《过生活》，而不是让生命活过。每天都是美好的，明天，未来都是充满惊喜，色彩的:D

每天探险加油！！

Selfish and Self-centred

I am some1 that is self-centred, selfish and very self-loving in ways. There is an old saying: " 人不为己，天诛地灭。" That's y I have to always come 1st in my thought of whatever, then only I will think for others. Maybe, that is y I hated to be unseen, unheard and unnoticed? or that is y I envy/jealous those ppl that can care for others or that thery know how to think of others. I love these ppl. Maybe because in my mind, I have the highest priority.

When things/ppl that I call/have in mind that it, he/she is considered in the "I" zone,, I will have them and put them in the highest rank or priority no matter wat. That may be the reason I ruin something very important in my life.

To be self-centred and selfish is in part of our familial gene. I have been seeing my dad being that way, protecting himself and protecting us, my family members...and that is the way I have been brought up. It's something in me that makes me who I am.

Being proud of myself, even I have achived nothing, makes me feel life is wonderful, makes me smile to anything and anyone, makes me feel like I am enjoying my life, etc....etc....

p3@c3!!

Invisible girl

I believe that everyone on this world have their designated fate that is written some where on "The Book" in god's hand.
I know someone that is fated to always be seen and noticed. But, in my case, my fate is to always be someone so unseen, unheard, unnoticed and invisible. Even when me and my family members are sitting together to have a small chat, ppl just forget my existance and nv listen to watever I am talking.
Why? one of my friends asked that why I say that I am invisible? He can see me what!?! Haha! wat I mean is not to be seen or not, it is to be remebered or not.
I have experienced that I have been knowing the existance of some1, however, in my memory, when I recall back, he is just not there in image, but he said that he was there...then only I really notice that he exist around me:p
I always have very low self estimme and always being a corner girl, or to be "a vase", which is visible, but never in memory, to be heard and nv to be remebered.
Maybe this is the life I choosed and god gave me what I asked for, that is to be a normal person, who lices a normal life.
Thanks God, but as a human like me, is hard to satisfy needs of ppl like me....Aih'''

I have friends:D:D:D

I always thought that I don't quite have many friends~ However, after all my posts on my blogs and tell some ppl how I felt bout the world, my feelings and let my feelings out of me, I start to get feedback and some thoughtful and caring words from my friends~

Here, I would like to say my special thanks to all of u, that care and love me:D I regret that I have not given all of u much of attention that I sometimes forgot ur existance~sorry for that, but I will the best out of me to pay back and try to be ur good friend:D

THANK YOU ALL!!

生活？人生？

那天，看到有个转送的电邮~他把人生，看得很简单。。。
它说：“当你渴了，有个人拿几个杯给你选来倒水喝，有华丽的，名贵的，烂木质的，还有纸杯；你选的，肯定不是纳木质的，或纸杯吧~但是，想想，被是次要的东西，水才使你真正需要的。” “如果物质，感情，钱财等人们追求的东西是杯，人生是水的话，那么，我们所追求的一切都只是增添人生的色彩的东西。换个角度看，如果没有杯盛得了水吗？用手？还不是会漏水？那么，如果没有了杯，人生算是什么？人，活着的意义是什么？

学佛的，会说人活着是要修性；追梦的，会为追梦而活着；天生的钱奴，会为更多的钱活。。。

我。。。为了什么活着？为了自己？那，我是什么？我是谁？我的人生有意义吗？我的人生精彩吗？我的每一天都过得充实吗？我，活着的意义何在？我的未来。。。我摸不到，看不到，感觉不到；我活着的每一天，有位世界添点色彩吗？

是我最近悲观了吗？？

心，伤透了，痛极了。。。我害怕，害怕未来，害怕面对，害怕被伤害，害怕浪费，害怕黑暗，害怕寂寞，害怕闷，害怕他人看到我脆弱的一面，害怕。。。害怕。。。

神阿~给我指路吧！我已经没有心灵的依靠，对世界没有信心；对自己，也失去了信心。。。我好孤独哦~

感觉回来了~

曾经何时，我常抱着期待，富有梦想的心情看世界；所谓的世界，包括感情世界，我的未来世界，我的事业，还有人类的世界~
现在，感觉回来了~那青春，单纯，期待的心又回到我身边了~我怎么感觉到？就是，很单纯的，白痴的，容易感到别人，他人对我的感觉--〉喜欢，讨厌，爱，恨。。。我的思念，想法，不再为谁人而受约束；不再需要为他人的时间，想法而排列，规划我的人生，我的时间~这，是所谓的自由吧~
但是，人，往往是不知足的~当上天不作美，下雨时，我们渴望晴天；当阳光普照时，我们渴望下雨；当我们有着美满的生活，我们会渴望得到更多；当我们有爱情时，会渴望自己是自由身；当我们没有爱情时，会渴望它的到来；当我们有个温暖的家庭，我们会觉得它很烦；当我们的家庭式破碎的，我们会渴望它是完美的。。。
人，就是如此~~
把握现在，创造我们更美好的未来吧~

加油加油！！

Harbin Tour

I just came back from Harbin China~wat I have experienced is that u will never know wat cold is until u been there. The coldness there is undiscribable~
How cold is cold? even I wore 3 pairs of socks, my feet can still froze~if u are outside walking without closing ur ear, u will feel numbness on ur ears even for just less then 5 mins~by wearing 2 pairs of gloves, ur hands have still be frozed~
This is wat I call to spend money to suffer~but once in ones life time, one must know and experience wat is the real coldness.

Bout our tour~
1st day:- to fly from Penang to Incheon,Seoul; then to ShenYang Airport, then took a bus to ChangChun and stay there a night~At night, our 1st guide in China was irresponsible and think only bout herself, so, our tour leader asked for a change of guide.

2nd day:- the new guide, XiaoTian, first took us for ski, I have got my 1st lesson in ski, where luckily I got a chinese coach who is quite good and responsible. Though it is just a short lesson, I find myself can catch the basics of skiing. Then we went to movie wonderland, where it is a place to see how movie tricks are made, however, we don't manage to walk thru the whole wonderland. The Guide then took us to ChangChun's palace, which is more to a mansion, which was last a home to the last emperor of China, Puyi. Then, we leave ChangChun for Harbin.

3rd day:- Our guide in Harbin is XiaoBao. 1st, we went to KekLokSi in Harbin, then to Sun Island. Sun Island is where snow carvings are displayed. On the way, we stop by at one of the famous Russian Church. After Sun Island, we went to see winter swimming. The temperature was -18 to -20 celcius. However, those ppl, even at the age of 80, dive and swim in the water like it's summer. Beside the place of the winter swimming there is an ice slide for us to play with. The slide is cool~it's something like the slide in Genting, but this is more exotic, coz on the "cushion" we sit on have no place for u to hold on, and at the end is a natural frozen river bank. So, it's very exciting~ Later~ at bout 4pm, when the sun dissapears into the horizon, we proceed to 2 ice sculpturing, carving and light display. One is carving on a piece of ice, and another one is using ice boulders to build ice buildings where ppl can go into those buildings.
4th day:- This day is a whole day on bus, where we have to travel from Harbin back to ShenYang which takes 8-10 hours of drive. At night, we have some time to do some shopping beside our hotel and have dumpling dinner, which the dinner is composed of 7 dishes of different types of dumplings and 6 more of other dishes.

5th day:- On the morning, proceed to DaLian. This day is the day of new year eve. So, things I see is mostly things on the pics I posted up. At night, our tour leader bought us fireworks for everyone of us to play with at one of the squares, as sort of celebration to welcome year 2007.
6th day:- New year's Day!!It was snowing in the morning...We have got a white new year:p Went to the Jap-Russian prison. Then, to LvShun where we visited the past war remnants, and the yellow sea.
7th day:- Back in ShenYang, our guide is Paul~ We visited ShenYang's palace of the Qing Dynasty. The palace was once the place where the 1st Qing Emperor starts the dynasty. Then, we proceed to the Airport for departure back to Penang.
Here, I would like to present my special thanks to Shirley, our tour leader from Ace Tours, for giving us the best out of u, with great responsibility~ Also, to our guide in China, Miss LuLu, for ur great responsibility and ur best personality~

Thought of the day

有一天，我的朋友看到我的钱包，她问我为什么会买这样可爱的钱包？我说，因为可爱啊!她说，都几岁了，还要扮可爱。。。
我在心里想，难道人一天一天的长大，就不再可以可爱？不再可以天真？不再可以拥有，和表露自己纯真的一面吗？
其实，如果世上每个人都用最真诚，最纯真的眼睛看世界，那，我们的世界，会是个很和平，很和平的地方~唯一的坏处就是，世界不能进步。。。
用最纯真的心看世界，世界会是个很美的地方~人也会比较快乐吧~
人，本来就该报有纯真，可爱的自己；不该因为世俗的看法，观念，而把嘴原本的自己埋没，忘记。。。

我~还是会继续扮可爱，表露最天真的自己吧！

加油加油！！

Key

在每个人的心里，都有一把钥匙。但是，人往往忽略了他的存在，没有把它紧紧地掌握在自己的手里，而把那钥匙的掌控，放在他人的手心里。
人，应该自己掌握自己心里的钥匙，把幸福和快乐带给别人，而不是把钥匙一直寄托在别人的手里，一直希望他人用那把钥匙，带给我们幸福。

心里的钥匙万岁！！

人生与爱情

求死容易，求生难。。。人生，本来就是一个考验。我现在所感受到的伤和痛，会让我在我的人生路途上走更远，让我更会爱我自己。现在，我常回想当初我和他的过去，想到的种种，都是我们有过的甜蜜，快乐。。。那些痛苦和悲伤的日子，我想想起，都有点困难。
所以，现在，我虽然还会想起他，但是，不会再掉眼泪，还是觉得心里闷闷的，反而，就是把它看成我记忆里的一部分，我人生的一个经验。人家说，遥望掉一个感情，就得先发展新的一段感情，所以。。。可能，我还会想念他一阵子吧~如果，我的人生注定就是只会有一次的爱情，那么，他就真正使我人生中的唯一，那，我可以出书，写我的故事了！！哈哈！！如果，我的人生还有下一段恋情，那么，那个男的，会需要付出很多很多，因为，我不那么天真，不那么容易相信人了--悲哀~
但是，人生不只是只存有爱情。。。我一定会走出我的悲伤，走出回忆。。。我一定会让我的未来充满光芒！！
谢了，我曾经爱过的你~
加油加油咯！！

What is so great about mom/grandma?

One never know wat is so great about mom/ grandma that we as their children have to feel thankful about their contribution? What have out mom/grandma contribute in our life?

Here...this is wat....The thing is that even I type wat I notice about the home makers' contribution, u ppl will still think that it's nothing to be proud of, or that all the things they have done are very very "easy job. However...if u personally have experienced the whole process of being a so called "housewife", u will surely appreciate everything our mom/grandma have done for us all this while.

Here's wat I experienced:-
1. u ppl will think that it's easy to just put clothes into the washing machine and let it do all the work. But then, wat happens next?? don't we have to hang all the clothes up to dry them? wat next?? the clothes have to be kept after they have been fully dried and to be folded neatly and to be placed into the cupboard.
Duration of the whole process:- about 2 hours
2. To shop/to do marketing, that is to buy things to cook for the whole family to eat. They have to comsider who do not eat wat / who like to eat wat / the frequency of the dishes being ate,to prevent the ppl who eat those stuff not to get bored.
Duration:- about 1 hour
3. To prepare stuff, defrost the meat that wanted to be cooked later, chop/clean the meat, cut vegetables+wash them, at the same time, to think of what dish to cook and to prepare a "menu of the day" in mind. Sometimes, so materials to be cooked have some "pre" cooking prepare steps. For example, to make meat ball, the meat have to be chopped by hand(why not by machine/chopper?becoz using hand to chop makes the meat taste better), or that some vege have to be soaked in water to make it soft before it can be cooked(e.g. mushrooms)...all this pre cooking prepare have to be done and to be kept in mind, otherwise, the meals cannot be prepared in time.
Duration:- about 2 hours
4. To make the best judgement of when the family members will be back for meals, and to make the dishes just in time on dining table.
5. To cook the dishes...It's not easy u know, if things does not turn out to be the taste u thought it should be, ppl might complain bout it. The taste have to be just nice, not too salty or too spicy. However, if it is tasteless, ppl will also complain bout the dishes made.
Duration:- about 1 1/2 hours.
6. To clear up all the plates,wok,cutleries and all the cooking utesiles after meals and after cooking.
Duration:- about 1/2 hours.

So, lets consider the housewife only do these things, without consider that she have to sweep the floor/clean the house. Each day, if she have to cook 3 meals, and to wash 1 load of washing machine, and have a rest/sleep at night of about 7hours, she only have 3 hours left to rest her legs, hands and her whole body.

Ok....so....i say that mom and grandma are great. However, there is cons from this. If, u have a great mom/grandma who works and do all those stuff at home for u, u will never learn how to cook, to wash clothes or to clean up ur room.
So, whenever ppl ask me why I know how to cook, or ask me to teach them how to cook...I say I can't becoz it's some knowledge that I have accumulate since I am small....why??becoz I have a lazy mom, that I have to help do this and that since small, and I am very greatful that I have such a mom becoz I can learn a lot from life rather than doing nothing/ knowing nothing bout house whole chores:D

Thanks mom:D

tears of anger/fear?

Sometimes when somebody tells us something bout us, our personality from the bottom of their heart, we get pissed off easily and sometimes hates that person....

It's not that the person say something bad bout us, or that he/she is telling something that is not true about us/sort of like accuse us.....BUT the thing is that he/she has hit hard on the point, talking and telling us things that we wanted to hide from others to know, or maybe it's something that we ourselves are lying to ourselves.

For example, if u have tell a lie to A, and then A gets into trouble...then B stands up and say that it's all ur lie that make A did that, and it's all ur fault. However, u still want to protect urself and say u did not did it, tears will start to accumulate in ur eyes. It's not anger that lead tears there, but fear~ fear of letting ur true self out.

The above example is something very light and I think most ppl have gone thru this situation(erm....maybe when u were small)....
Situations that are huge, is something that involves things like our personality, the so called "mask" that we have to wear everyday in order to survive well in the society.

Be tough my frens....Be yourself!!so that u will never got "exposed" by some1 someday....But this is really hard....very very hard as if u do so, u nv live in a great life...ppl will stab ur back

Conclusion:Life's nv so easy~~

忘记~

每次每次，当我们伤心，心疼，无奈，辛苦。。。。等些消极的想法时，我们都会有着“如果我什么都不记得了，哪有多好”的念头。但是，刚刚，我在想，不管我现在的生活有多痛苦，多悲哀。。。但是，我的生活，也有着快乐，幸福的时候。

所以，人生嘛~难免或有悲欢离合，有积极和消极。。。在“道”里。。。人生，生活，世界，本来就是充满了“+” 和“-” 的互动，人生才会精彩！！

我。。。不想忘记我的人生的每个时刻。。。你呢？

金钱论

《一寸光阴，一寸金；寸金难买寸光阴》

谁说光阴，时间，是不能用金钱买？是谁说不是每个东西都能用钱买？
有了金钱，很多事情都是可以用金钱买回来。。。包括感情和时间！！

感情--〉在一段男女之间的感情里，有些女生会为了那男生给他的一个钻戒而心动；为了那简简单单的一束玫瑰而接受那男生的追求。有些男生（特别是当天生的小白脸遇上了千金小姐），会为了金钱，而很想要得到那女生的欢心。。。

时间--〉当有了金钱，时间是可以省下来，就看你如何去运用那所省下来的时间。e.g. : 选择乘搭飞机/快速飞机到达目的地，比乘搭巴士/汽车来得快，又方便。为题就在于金钱上。

金钱，可以说是万能的，但是，也有金钱无助的时候。。。
当你心爱的人离你远去时；当你心疼又绝望时；当一个运动员失去得到冠军的宝座；当你能看到你心爱的人幸福；自己的梦想；自己的未来；一个人的快乐。。。。

对于我，金钱虽然很重要，但是不至于重要到那种。。。可以放弃我的梦想；放弃过我生活的每分每秒；放弃我的青春；放弃我现有的人生；放弃我所爱的人。。。
既然我一向都有着那享受我每个时刻的人生，做我这个年龄的人所该做的事，ENJOY还是我人生的 moto!!

useless

I always know that I am useless:-->>
1)have no hobby;
2)good in nothing;
3)have not much frens;
4)like to learn things that cannot make anything useful from it;
5)like to be ppl's mirror;
6)love to have what others have;
7)spends money like I am a millionnair;
8)can lie around without doing anything useful;
9)waste time on entertainment and enjoyment more than anything;
10)love sleeping that I am only averagely awake for 12 hours daily;
11)do nothing good other than making damages;
12)keep hurting feelings of ppl who love me;
13)take things for granted;
14)love luxuries;
15)have high jealousy rate
16)get angry for no reason
17)don have ambition that make any sense
...............etc.....etc....etc.....

I still cannot get it....is it that I am still too naive mentally, that I have too much imagination on things that cannot happen to me?? or is it that I have such a great life, great family, great bf, and all the great things that ppl wish that they have, that I don't have much initiative to do anything useful, and keep dreams as a kid, and wanted to make fiction into reality?? or I don't even bother to work for anything because I already have what I wished for since I was a kid?? or I just don mind to be useless, because I can still enjoy my life no matter what ppl says??

I am aware that I do not make any contribution to the world, to the society, to my family, in my relationship, in my frenship, etc,etc......
however, is it wrong to live in my world? in my imagination? being myself? or even being useless....
why ppl keep reminding me that I am useless???

is it that if I am doing something u want to do, or u wish wat I have to do with my time, then, I will be considered "contributing"?
is it wrong that I use my time to do things I like to do? even if I love to just sit on a lazy chair, listening to the music, wat is wrong with that?

I just can't understand..........but i know and am aware that I am useless!!

Holiday vs. Choices

It's days since my holiday. I have nothing much to do, sitting in front of my laptop day and night, or in front of the TV. People might think: how come I can survive doing nothing and sitting in front of my laptop whole day. But this is the life(free and easy) I wanted.

Most people grumble bout how their everyday life is. For example, some may have to work part time to earn money because they want to have more to spend. But then, they say they don't have time to play and do things they wish to do. On the other hand, some may wanted to just stay and home and have "plans" in their head, but when time comes, they say that they are bored with nothing to do at home.

This is all about choice made....one can't always grumble bout choices that they have made. If u r not satisfied with wat u have now, do something about it. Lazy is the root of all boredom!! nothing is impossible, it is only u want to do it or not.

Choices...if it's not a matter about life and death, and u have time, money and youth to spend, take a try...then u will know what is best for u. Afraid?? it's just thoughts that goes circling inside ur heart. Take a deep breath and take ur 1st step towards ur decision made.

whole day's work,clearing my room

Masuk 3rd day of my holiday, start to clear up things in my room, as well as do some decoration in it.

The dust and cob webs in my room is really terrible. Some places that I know that there are lots of them, I dare not even try to move the things, coz I am afraid that I might got into "dust flu" or something like that:p So, I did not, and just make things easy by moving those which are "safe" to be moved and to be made some cleaning.

I have moved my bears and soft toys, that I think that they look congested, sitting in their new position.
This is a picture of part of my soft toys collection.



I have been thinking that my collection is not sufficient to make the corner look "cute" and "fairy tale" enough...
p/s: dear dear....u know wat u need to do:p:p:p

wat type of frens I have in my "fren" circle?

Sometimes I just cannot accept the idea and way things are done by my so call “frens”. How can u wanted to borrow my place for a BBQ, without even letting me know who, where, when, no. of ppl coming, and what is the purpose of the whole BBQ thing.

I know that I have been separated “virtually” with this so called “fren” align. But, at least, u want to borrow something from me, let me know all the details, no hiding, no cheating and no whatever that Mr. V call it “strategy” of getting the plan going.

In actual fact, I don want to have this so call BBQ anyway. I just accept the idea all because that Mr. V say that it is a birthday party for Mr. A. I have so much struggle, have to say yes all because of this stupid me, who thought that ur real motive is to celebrate Mr. A’s birthday. HOWEVER, in actual fact, it’s all about the food that is in ur mind.

I have been so nice to u all even that in actual fact, I don like the way things are done in ur way, having Mr. V thinking that he is the best person with the best characteristic and personality all the time and having Ms. J thinking that she can get the best result out of everything without any effort done.

However, in this so called fren circle, there are ppl who are mr nice and ms nice also. Mr. Nice never say a word if he is asked to do anything for his frens, just to get plans done, and that is y he is always made used by ppl. On the other hand, he have to make effort in things, not only to say that he cannot make it. I can see that he can, just that he does not want to. Ms. Nice is always takin care bout ppl’s feeling, know how to take care of ppl, and is just like a typical type of “big sis”, even though she is younger than me. Also, there is a Ms. X that I donno how to describe her, or have any comment bout her, because I just don really have any connection with her.

Please, if u want to borrow something from ppl, or if u want a favor from some1, don get it with tricks that u-Mr. V thinks that it is a great idea and u r proud of urself for it.

Also, to Mr. V out there, u think that u act naïve and ppl never know that u sucks below ur mask? U think that if u always talk bout ppl’s bad attitude and ppl’s act is without any class that u don want to be fren with that person? U think that ppl want to be ur fren? U think that I want to be ur fren? U think u look classy to me? U think that u have the standard that ppl don have?
Don ever say class or standard with ppl and talk bad thinkg behind every ppl’s back and think that ppl don know it.
U know wat? I felt sick everytime I talk to u, or even have to smile to u, even that deep down, I wanted to just throw out and spit on ur face!!

Thanks Mr. V for ur kind attention, SUCKER!!

Jay Album-Still Fantasy Review

刚买了Jay周杰伦的最新专辑，《依然范特西》。虽然很多人对此专辑没什么很好的反应，然而，我依然支持他的专辑，他的创作。

为什么？就因为，他的风格依然没有改变，咬词依然不清。。。整张专辑，依然以他很独特的唱腔，他那不顾他人的想法；他人对他依然不变的风格的评语没有做出任何改变；他那一听就很有感觉的曲子；他以他的独特音乐，表达它的想法，音乐来比表达他对某个事情，物件，景色，风俗，梦境，幻想。。。好想你一听他的音乐，你就不能自拔的，进入她的音乐，幻想世界。

他的唱腔，咬字，根本不重要！！虽然，方文山的词，写得很贴切，很诡异，很合适整个周杰伦在音乐想要表达的意境，但是，周董在唱时所付出，所给与在内的感情，在配合他所要表达的意识，已经让我完全对他再次着迷，再一次爱上周董！！

在周杰伦的音乐世界，许多人都说他根本没有成长，没有看到进步，但是，我听得到他的努力，他的坚持，所谓的周杰伦！！

再来，我说说他的外貌。我听见许多人对他的看法，是很X，很自大，恨不能看，总而言之，就是看了就“猪X”。。。然后，很多人听我说我很喜欢周杰伦，都会纷纷问我，这样的人，你也会喜欢，真不懂你。我的意见，就是，只要他的音乐能感动我，他一直坚持它的想法，他的音乐，他的外表，一点都不重要。。。因为，那时他的风格！！还有，对他的样貌，你们又没注意到他的嘴唇？他那嘴唇的形状，很美，很firm, and full。

以下是他的新专辑目录：
1。夜的第七章 – 很European style 的风
2。听妈妈的话 – 用妈妈的名誉，延续他之前所有专辑，有亲人的作风。
3。千里之外 – 讲的是跨距离，跨时空的恋情
4。本草纲目 – 以中国草药，中医，坚持它的中国风
5。退后 – 一首大多数人会喜欢的周杰伦歌曲style的抒情歌。
6。红模仿 – 一首我觉得在讽刺，那些很喜欢模仿周董，或一些很喜欢跟着潮流创作的人，和一直说他没进展的人
7。心雨 – 另一首抒情情歌
8。白色风车 – 情歌，有点不对key 的感觉，令我抓不到他的唱法，但是，听他 唱很有那种单恋，的feel
9。迷迭香 – 有种60-70年代的那在台上的歌女，的sexy feel 。有点古典jazz 。
10。菊花台 – 很中国，很古典，很想在听华乐奏。以string instruments 为主。

以上的解说，只是以我个人，听了他的歌后的看法。

平凡人

其实，我很想当一个平凡的人。但是，说得容易，做得难。有的人，就抱着很大的梦想，渴望成龙成凤，这当然在人人都会觉得是很难的事。

想当个平凡的人，他人会把你看成你胸无大志，没有人生的目标。但，说起来，一个人，一直往上看，往钱看，往地位看，可以说是他们没有勇气当一个平凡人。

那，难道要求，渴望平凡，普通，没有太大的起伏，不也是一种人生目标吗？
可能你们会想说，因为我的家庭背景，让我不懂什么叫苦，什么叫没有钱，什么是被人看扁的感觉。这些我都懂！我的平凡的意识，是够用就好。

所谓知足常乐，所以啊，人生，就是当个平凡的人，够了就好。不太苛求，太执著。

平凡人万岁！！

还是回到了我的moto-->Enjoy^_^

Man

什么是man?就是不听，也不接受他人的看法，意见。但是，他人一定要听从，跟随他的意见。

man...不懂得体谅他人，连最基本的礼貌，也不懂！也许，在外人的眼中，他的父母，不会教他做人的道理。但是，他的父母，已经不懂要怎么教他了。
人已经长这么大了，还是这样子。可能，太多人在包庇他，说什么他就是这样的，或在给他多点时间，还是如此的说法。但是，如果你说他需要人家的目光，希望他人会知道他的存在，哪，这么老高马大了，还要什么怎么多的关心啊？
可能，他小时候，觉得自己没被爱过，现在才要拿回。但，就需要这么无理取闹，强词夺理，固执，装小孩吗？

不懂，我不要这样！好像没有教养的孩子！很气，但是，没立场，没地位，没权利，去骂他。就算我能，他也听不进去。

所以。。。只能说，哎！！！！

p/s:本文章只能用在描绘某某。

sad~~Dissapointed

what happened actually??nothing as quite...coz it really is non of my business and my problem~ just that I hate to see some1 I love to become so " "( I can't think of any word for it).

I think I have said before that my bf is so busy that he hardly have any little slot for me in his time table...and when ppl ask me what does he have that I love him so much and have so much patience for that, I can't answer. Now that I have it, I want to answer that question:- It's that males should be like that when he still have to energy and 'oumh' to try everything, strive very hard, know wat he wants, erm...almost like what my papi is when he was young.

How can some1, a male have such "an attitude" and he is some1 that I "should" follow his attitude and learn how things work, also bout morale and life from, that I can't even see anything that he have for me to follow and learn from?

I am so so dissapointed!!I know he have his positive side of himself,but y do he have to always show his negative side and act naive and look like a shit to every1?Just that ppl say that u r stupid, doesn't mean that u hav to be a stupid just to prove to them that u are one.
Act and think positive~know wat is right and wrong...

I know I am not a perfect person myself, that I sometimes might make mistakes and act a fool myself,or even to slip something that I should not say to some1, sometimes, but I know where is my mistake and I will try to fix the problem...

Know where is ur mistake? I don think any1 know wat I am writing here.
That's normal, coz no1 ever understand their mistake if I got angry or I just don like something...
No1 understand...so, I am weird!

OK! END OF DISCUSSION!!

Contradict myself

I like to study, I really mean those text books on what I hav to study for the semester or for my personal extra knowledge.

However, I don like the fact that I have to study for exams, because I don like the feeling and just to study those same stuff over and over again just to sit for an exam.

Even so, in my life, exam have to exist because it does not I don have any aim and will feel very lazy and don even have the initiative to take a book up.
That's y I have to go to university and not as those "clever", "genius" frens I have that say that I am stupid because they don have to study and make university their next station in their life, as they can study and take up some minor courses as at the same time, they can start earning money for themselves and don have to depend on their parents any more.

I am stupid in some sense I agree, but also, at the same time, I thought that they are also.

Anyway, it's just how u view things, and wat do u think is more important in ur life.

An article I found interesting

When we meet the right person to love when we'reat the right place at the right time, that's chance.

When you meet someone you're attracted to, that'snot a choice. That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot ofcouples who get together because of this) is not achoice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards.
Whenwill you take that infatuation, that crush, thatmind-blowing attraction to the next level?That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down andcontemplate whether you want to make this into aconcrete relationship or just a fling.

If youbdecide to love a person, even with his faults, that'snot a chance. That's choice.
When you choose to be with a person, no matterwhat, that's choice.
Even if you know there aremany people out there who are more attractive,smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that'schoice.

Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.

Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe isso true about this: " Fate brings you together,butit's still up to you to make it happen."I do believe that soul mates do exist.

That thereistruly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not.
We may meet our soul mates bychance, but loving and staying with our soul matesis still a choice we have to make.

We came to the world not by finding someoneperfect to love...BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly............

Relationship-->Love

Sometimes, when I see or know ppl who can be with their partner/gf/bf/the other half, and always like very happy having each other's companion, I tend to feel sad, envious and start to think about how come I don't get such and such in my love life.

However, at the same time, I am thinking that in such a relationship that I have, maybe I may grow more mature in my thinking and thoughts in a relationship. Also, I might be having a stronger and better bond with my darling then those of them who always have a happy, romantic, attaching to each other relationship. Or, in my relationship, both of us tend to be a more independant individuals in a relationship, and can withstand more "unstable" situation, and know how to handle situations in relationship in a better way-->matured way and not always talking bout break up and anger without any sense.

However, I still envy u guys which can have such a happily ever after, romantic, being with each other kind of relationship:'(

Is results so important that it break frenship? -->16/8

People still tend to have the idea that to get better grades than other ppl in university is something that had to be occurred.

We shouldn’t compare grades and how well we do in our assignments with other ppl and be proud of wat our grades are comparing with other ppl in universities.

I know I myself still have the idea that I have to win other ppl of “some ppl” in test, examinations or even marks for coursework. However, wat I in mind is that I have to push myself further, because I can do better than wat I have done. So, it’s kind of a good thing that I compare my grades with other ppl, and have the thought that I want to win these ppl.

On the other hand, ppl who get their grades and then compare theirs with other ppl, and then feel bad if they get lower grades than other ppl, and feel very arrogant when their grades are better is not way things done.

I know ppl who is in the second group of ppl. However, I felt ashamed on wat they get for their grades, because they never ask them self whether they deserve wat they get or not, or do they work hard enough to get wat are given.

I am that type of person that I get my marks, and if it’s beyond wat I expectation, which is: 1) if I get better than wat I think I got, I will try to maintain this kind of results next time and try to strive harder; 2) if I get worse than wat I expect to get, I will change my way of getting this kind of result, cos maybe I have used the wrong way to do things, and get a target(simply pick one ppl from those who get better result, and compare next time if I can lessen the range between our results.

I have to admit that I have the ego that I must get first class when I finish my degree, however, in my bro’s case, even he does not get results as good as others, however, he have a job now, even he just finish his studies about only 1month ago. So, why bother if ppl get better grades or results than u get? Just follow ur own trail, do wat u think wanted to get, focus on ur target and do ur best!!

Happy comparing grades:D

Big Bro's Convo

Yesterday was my big bro's big day of his life - his convo!!

Though he was talking bout how he does not like his university and how he don like his course and always complaining that he is just getting the degree for my mom and not for his own good or wat he want to study at the 1st place, but I know deep down, he is very proud of himself and very very greatful that he finally got his 1st degree.
How do I know that??
Here's how - I am very proud of him myself(though his grades are not very good, but who cares?), that I almost got into tears when the ceremony started(even that I am not myself in the convo hall). However, I try to keep all the tears back into my eyes.
Also, when he called his gf and say that he almost caught with tears when the ceremony just about to begin, and is very hopeful that our parents is there at his convo finally, I know that he just have had a mouth and heart that is very egoistic!!

I just can't imagine myself in the convo hall during the ceremony of my convo in a few years time(2 if everything went on smoothly). I will sure cry like hell, that all my frens will start laughing at me:p

An advice to my bro => nothing comes as if like it have to be with u like u doesn't deserve or it just grow or drop fr the sky from no where!
Appreciate wat u have in life, not to complain on this and that and always take things for granted! If u don't start to see things in the positive side and love things and ways things are going smoothly with u, mother nature and god will take it back, and u won't even get the worse things u get now, and live life in misery forever.
p/s: this is not a curse!! it's a piece of advice!! refer back to the 1st line of this para:p

Robbery & Safety

Robbery around TAR area have been a headline in every newspaper in the past few weeks, and ppl who have the phrase saying that its not safe to bring a hand bag around, or it's not safe to walk alone(without frens) , or it's dangerous to take a bus/taxi alone, are everywhere u mention.

However, as in my opinion, one can't just get their consciousness only after something terrible ( or I should say, something that have been on the headline) happen.
To beware, have to be careful all the time, not only after something happen.

Actually, one can't control things that might happen to them. But, to take precausion is very important (this, I know very well myself).
For e.g.: not to walk on streets that seems to urself as deserted, not to wear clothings that show too much of ur bare skin, not to wear jeweraly, not to bla bla bla.....

That's too much to be mentioned as an example in this case or any other.

It's seems to be weird that ppl start to talk about something that seems to be happening everyday only after the news have reported it as very serious.
Robberies are actually everywhere, not to mention bout the rape case that happen a few years ago, where at that time, women, ladies and girls are very aware bout their safety. But now, do they still remember wat haunt them then?
Humans!! When things start to cool down, and not a hot topic as then, they will start to forget the whole incident like it never happen before.

I know how to take care of myself quite well. I know wat precausions I have to take to move myself in safety zone. Coz, I know that no place on earth is safe, but all we can do is to try to avoid them.

victory against the current

Talking bout going against the current on the previos blog, its like hell hard and terrible to make it happen. However, it's hard and a trouble if u go against it in a large step at once.

So, in the end, I find it very easy to make things flow on their right path I wanted them to flow. Which is by taking a small step a a time, and then make laughter and a joke out of urself, then, don't listen to things that u don wan to hear, also, pretent that u are as such at the beggining.

The most important thing is, don be afraid of ppl talking bad things bout u and have trust and full attention on urself and not on other ppl's things and ideas. Be confident enough to keep things to urself and stand up straight with chest up!

Earth is so big that it can be round and also be square at the same time! confusing?? that's the point!
round in the sense that u can move and do things acording to mother nature's rule, which is wat everybody have to follow.
AND square in the sense that there are 6 sides of the cube, which means that there are more then one possible way in doing things.
Which in short means that nothing on earth is impossible to deal with.

Follow ur heart, listen to ur heart, then do according to it and not the opposite.
However, it's good to sometimes do things wat ppl objected or ob not to do, then do it on ur own way, at ur own pace!

How nice is the earth we are living on, which can change it's shape according to time, situation and mood

p3@c3!!

Back Flow of Water

Do u know that water in the river won't flow in the opposite direction as they always have been flowing? This is because the water flow down hill(rubbish!!who does not know this??).

However, in my situation, I am that kind of person who likes to go against the current, even I know that it is hard to do so, but I always just don wat to follow how things that have been flowing smoothly. So, I will in all of a sudden, just stop, and move backwards or against wat have been planned or done, then, every1 will start to look at me as if I am very weird, and not as friendly as I seemed to be at 1st.

It's that I am trained in my family and I grow up in an environment which never have things that is always in a routine. Everything done is unplanned and everyday is a surprise.

I love surprises and something that is out of no where. I love new stuff, which I will start to get so bored with it in a few days. I love unplanned stuff, which I can get it ready, planned and done in a blink of my eyes.

It's just not my style and way of doing things that is always have been a routine, and to follow wat have been planned for me to follow in my daily life. I love doing things my way without control by aspects which should not exist.

Having a very unmatured mentality? hm...this is wat that makes me feel fresh and give me energy to move furthur in my life.

Enjoy is my moto:p

Appreciation

Life is for us to appreciate and to enjoy things that we have. However, even if I have all the things that ppl wish to have, I still keep grumble bout things that I don't have or looking at things and life at the negative side....

I should appreciate and enjoy life more than that of I can grumble about...

P3@c3

Me and my SWING mood!!

I am having some sort of fluactuation in my mood these days that I hardly can relieve my brain from stress. My brain is always in the tensed stage, even when I am sleeping, I keep having nonsense dreams.
I am very very tired mentally!!

Sometimes, I can't forgive myself doing some stupid things and talking nuisanse to some1 I care about very much that I hurt them and also eventually hurting myself in some way.
Y am I having such problem....am I insane??or is it that I have some kind of mental problem??

Sometimes, I felt very happy suddenly, thought of something that is very nice, happened some time ago, that caught my mind for minutes, then feel like myself floating...then, suddenly, I thought of things that make me feel sick that my mood drain down to the deepest point on earth.

I can't control my mood and myself....
I don't know what I want to do with my life...
I have problems with getting along with frens....
I am weird in some sense...
I .....
I can't think of any good things I can contribute to the world or to the society, except that I am a joker sometimes.
I am a real worm of the society....spending money, do nothing good for myself and the world.

thinking...."frens"

Sometimes, its kind of weird....i keep thinking that people are very fake. Like put up make up just to make urself look prettier, say things that is not from the bottom of ur heart, do things without truthfulness that come rite out of their heart, smile without really in a happy mood, etc, etc....

Maybe they are true that they feel that way in that particular moment, but its that to me, it looks very unreal...like they want to bullshit some1 and also lie to themself. Is it that I am just jealous of their mood and feelings they have? or that my sense is rite? or is it that i am thinking too much about things?

Friends are supposed to have truthfulness to each other, if u don't like me, tell me; if u don want things to be done my way, argue with me....I am that kind of ppl that don want ppl to just do things my way, but to tell me wat is that best way to do things...learn from mistake, take up the best....I WAN TO TRUE SELF OF U....not that U that is like some1 who always say that I am rite in watever way.

Friends...they r suppose to share, to give support, to b some1 that I can argue my points with, never mind if we break the relationship sometimes, but we can manage to mend it and stitch it up to make a better relationship, suppose to be heart to heart, to scold me if I do something wrong, to accept and correct my oppinion when u think that I am sort of wrong in some way....

Now only I know how much better those two gals in my life meant to me so much that they are the best ppl, the best fren that I can never have again in my entire life. Special thanks to Yuan and Suat Hwa to be some 1 who can always chear me up when I am down, and to call me out of the blue to tell me that u miss me, also, to always alert me when I made something wrong....

I actually really hope that I can make new frens out of some where...but I just don understand gals thinking also what those silly guys have in their "brain".
Friends Forever^#^

Buses as a transport??SuX!!

By studying in KL, without any personal transportation, I have no choice but to take buses everyday whenever I wanted to go anywhere. However, considering the convenience and the service it have given me-> SuX!!

It not that they can't get me to my destination, but, the Malaysian attitide towards the services given to people and time management, also, the most important thing -> to follow the rules made!

1st:- Bus drivers attitude (also mirrors Malaysian attitude)
The bus system/route, which I traveled with everyday, have been "changed", and the management staff told me that the system will be improved with the "new system" that they will start operating on the 1st of May 2006. However, what we, as a user of the bus gets is a "new" bus, which are mostly bought 2nd hand buses from other company; and the buses where on time, which is 15 mins per trip, which lasted for only about a month; the attitude of the bus drivers(not all, but mostly), who never even give me a smile, even I say thank you to them. Also, they will scold u if u does not follow the way he/she wanted.
The drivers were like having no responsibility towards what they are doing and he don't like the job he is doing.

2nd:- time management
As in the last para, the bus services were supposed to be 15 mins per trip. However, there are only 2 buses per destination, which per trip will make up about half an hour. So, if the system wanted to have 15mins per trip system, the bus company will have to have at least 3 buses for each destination, OR, to make the schedule changed to 30mins per trip. BUT, PLEASE BE ON TIME.
It's not the bus company always to be blamed, but the users were all "lepak-lepak" taking their time to do everything, even to get down of the bus, as if the whole world will have to wait for them. This makes the buses to keep up on their schedule.

3rd:- Rules are made to be broken???
Malaysians just don't know how to read signs!!
No eating and drinking on the bus = eat but don't let people notice that u are
no entry = if I wanted to pass, who can stop me
enter from the front, out from the back door= doors are doors which ways is easier for me is the way
show ur daily bus ticket to the driver = u can go on board anytime u wan
please queue = just make sure u go on board one by one, u can cut the queue b4 u reach the doorway of the bus
etc. etc. etc

another thing I found it interesting yesterday is that:
Bus stop is for buses to stop completely, with no bus driver on board...and a bus stop is a total heaven for the bus drivers to do watever they like, e.g. smoking, have snacks or even to chat.
warning guys!!: bus stop is not for passengers to go on board! it's for the bus driver to have their rest:P

Have a nice day travelling around with public transport;D

my 21st birthday!!!

Talking bout my 21st birthday, I am very greatful bout it.
For the 1st time ever in my life, I have so many friends celebrating my birthday for me-except that it's not on the right day:P I have never in my 21 years have so many friends that celebrate my birthday for me...every year is just cake and family members, that I am bored about birthdays, until this year.
The most "gan3 dong4" is that on 6/7/2006, all of us have got maths test, but we have went to make the celebration on the 5th:D, and that no body was talking bout their worries towards the next day's test, and all we have is fun and enjoyment:D Thanks guys:D:D:D

oh ya...the celebration was in Neway karaoke box....and here's the pics

and my birthday cake:D

so, wat's my birthday wish??

Don want to tell u:P

I am back~

The phrase have got 2 meanings: I am back in Penang to c a doctor also, I am back in my blog.

It's more then a month since I last posted a message on board, but it's kind of hard to blog, especially I don't have internet access in the house I have rented to stay in Setapak. Also, even if I have internet access, I don't think I have enough time to study, rest, go makan with frens, online and also do the blogging stuff.

The second thing, I have got a terrible cold which lasted for almost 2 weeks now. So, I have decided to come back Penang to get consultation from the doctor who always "cure" my sickness, better then paying RM30 for a stupid doctor, stupid medicine and rubbish consultation in KL, which can't get me any better.

My flu now is "on the way" to reach recovery stage now...so, don't worry....I am still ALIVE:D

university life

why is university life so free and easy, that I always think or afraid that I might don't have anything to do after class or during my week ends.
And hence, I will prepare all sorts of study unrelated stuff, e.g. drama, story books, mp3, computer games,etc...so that when I am in my rented room, I won't feel bored or emptiness in me.

It's not only me, my frens have always complaining that they have nothing to do after class and always feel bored.
Is it that we are lazy ourselves that we don't want to do things that we should have, but to think of wanted to do things that we shouldn't have??

University life is always to study on things not related to our own syllabus, to increase our knowledge and there will never be a time that you can finish all the books so fast that you don't have any books to read through...never...

So, y am I afraid of that I might not have things to do, or days will be too long for me to go through?

It's actually a problem which is never have been a problem

depressed!!

I donno y, just felt very very heart broken, sour feeling in my heart.

Is it because I have to go back KL to study for a new sem d, then I just can't let down things and people I can have anytime when I am in Penang?? or it's that it's just my hormonal imbalance???Is it that I have a lot of thought in my brain, but I just donno how and to who I can let them out???

Just felt like crying, but I tell myself that I have to be brave, to be tough and not to easily let my tears flow down from my eyes....hard, it's all the hard feelings inside me....

For University students

给大学新生的忠告

给大学新生的忠告，或许不是真理，但是足够你用四年。　　
1.进入大学，你的所有过去对于他们来说是一张白纸，这是你最好的重新塑造自己形象的时候。　　
2.大学可能有真实的爱情，但只是可能。很多时候他们是因为别人都谈恋爱而羡慕或者别的原因而在一起。　　
3.你在大学有很多意外用钱的地方。为了你的家人和你自己的前途，永远别乱花钱。　
4.你大学的朋友很可能就是你将来事业的一部分。他们会帮助你。但是你也应该让自己有能够帮助他们的实力，所以，你要努力。　　
5.很多事情当你再回忆时会发现其实没什么。所以，不管你当时多么生气愤怒或者别的，都告诉自己不必这样。　　
6.学习，永远不要忘记。如果你学习失败了，你就什么也不是，当然，也不排除意外，但问题是，你会是那个意外吗？　　
7.别说脏话，你应该知道习惯的力量。你随便的一个字或者几个字会让你在别人心中的形象大打折扣。　　
8.好好利用在公共场合说话的机会，展示或者锻炼。　　
9.别为你自己和别人下定论，这非常重要。你所看到听到的可能只是一面。　　
10.如果你发现很久了你一直是一个人去食堂吃饭或者去上自习，别在意，大学里一个人是正常的。　　
11.很多事情别人通知你了，要说谢谢，没有通知你，不要责怪，因为那些事情你其实应该自己弄清楚。　　
12.“我请你吃饭”之类的话永远不要乱说。　　
13.尊严是最重要的，但在大学里，要懂得利用这个空间锻炼自己，让自己的尊严有足够大的承受力。除了你自己，没人会为你保留它。社会是一个最喜欢打碎人的尊严的地方。　　
14.大学是亚社会，当你上了高年级后，要让自己有大人的形象，大一的孩子看到你，你要能让他们感觉到你是他们的学长，你很成熟。　　
15.你有足够的理由佩服每天早起的人，不信的话，你去做，做到后会发现有很多人在佩服你呢。　　
16.经常给家里打个电话。　　
17.你可以有喝醉的时候，但是你要明白和真正的朋友一醉才能让伤心事休，否则，你只会是别人的谈资和笑柄。　　
18.如果你四年内很少去图书馆的话，你就等于自己浪费了一大笔的财富。　　
19.不论男人还是女人，如果在大学里还把容貌当做重要的东西而过分重视的话，可能不会吃亏，但是早晚会吃亏。　　
20.新学期如果你接新生的话，当被问到学校怎么样之类的问题时，你要记住你不但是这个学校的一分子，你更要给学弟学妹带来信心，你走过大一，你应该知道那时候对学长的信任多深。　　
21.别迷恋网络游戏。千万别。永远别。　　
22.“我爱你”。别对很多人说这句话，在大学里，希望你只对一个人说，这是尊重你爱的人，更是尊重你自己的感情。　　
23.在大学里，你有足够的空间承受失败和打击，因此，你真的应该找找自信和自傲的区别，可以用一辈子的。　　
24.如果你的个性让很多人对你敬而远之，那么你的个性是失败的，个性的成功在于能吸引，而不是能排斥。　　
25.如果把上课不睡觉当做一种锻炼并且你做到了，那么，你将会很强。　　
26.学生会的主席之类的干部，如果你尊重他们，告诉你自己那是因为他们是你的学长而不是因为他们是你的上级。　　
27.别怕丢人，那是一种成功的尝试，不要笑话那些上台丢人的人。　　
28.从绝望中寻找希望，人生终将辉煌。　　
29.如果你不抽烟的话，你的精力将会比抽烟的时候好。　　
30.你的确要学会有心计，但是永远记住，要胜利的唯一的方法永远只是:实力。　　31.面对不公平的东西，不要抱怨，你不如去努力奋斗，争取你自己最合适的公平。　　32.人生百态，不要对新的看不惯的东西生气，无所谓的，比如说恋人同居问题，这和我们很多人无关。　　
33.记住:为自己设定一个远大的人生目标，并终生为之奋斗。　　
34.在大学里就开始训练自己的冷静力，这是一种能力，有大事时，能安静并能快速想出办法的人，很厉害。
35.大学的竞争范围是所有的大学生，所以，你知道是否敢放松学习。　　
36.大了，成熟了，稳重了，但是这和激情不矛盾，一种对工作和学习的冲击力及持久力会让你有特殊的魅力。　　
37.记住，即便你是学生会主席，如果你的四级没过，没有毕业证，仍然不会有单位想要你。单位需要的是工作的人而不是当官的人。　　
38.永远不要嘲笑你的教师单调，因为有一天现实会让你为这种愚蠢付出代价。　　39.不要幻想自己能成为招聘会上的宠儿，很快你就会明白:百分之七十的初中生都可以上大学。　　
40.英语一定要学好。　　
41.你可以看不惯一些东西，但是你应该学会接受，如果你没法改变那一切的话。　　42.对陌生人，或者把对方当做一张白纸，或者把对方当做你的朋友，总之别当做敌人，即使你听到再多的关于他(她)的不好的传闻。　　
43.爱你的人，不管你接不接受，你都应该感谢对方。　　
44.每个星期一定要抽时间出来锻炼身体的。好处多多。　　
45.如果有人嫉妒你，你可以把他从竞争者之列删除了。怀嫉妒之心者，难成大事。　　46.别去争论，人不可能赢得争论，可以说，争论所提及的话题都是不值得去争论的。　　
47.成功的方法多种多样，别不接受你看不惯的方法。　　
48.男人，你长得可以不帅，但你这个人必须帅，而且，那才是真正的帅。(当然，女人也是同样的道理)所以，不必在穿着打扮上花太多心思。　　
49.别以为在学生会你能得到你曾经想要的。工作的热情很可能因为你所看到的所经历的一些事而改变。　　
50.文或武，你总要有一样。样样通样样松都是禁忌。样样通几样更通方是境界。　　51.还能冲动，表明你还对生活有激情，总是冲动，表明你还不懂生活。　　
52.如果你不能拥有，那么告诉自己别忘记——如果你能承受那伤痛的话。　　
53.虽然班级的概念在大学并不明显，但是也别忘记，你的同学你的朋友。
54.准备考研，早点比晚点好。　　
55.别抱怨四级六级，那是证明你能力的很好的东西。　　
56.要有精英意识，考虑一下，大学的人了，迷恋武侠和言情，已经没有任何意义。　　57.莫过于耿直，莫过于圆滑。外圆内方是一种视野，视野决定着境界。　　
58.大学的手机是否应该用只有自己有答案。　　
59.永远别渴望做个谁都不得罪的人，在反对和支持声中自己做出决定才精彩。　　60.要有魄力，即使是失败，也不要让自己的人生平庸。　　
61.喜欢一个人，就勇敢地告诉他或者她。大学是学习的地方，但是我理解爱情的力量。　　
62.应该相信一句话:没有不可能的事情！只要去做。现在我们是学生，十年后呢？　　63.不要总想是否能成功，既然选择，便当风雨兼程。　　
64.后悔，它是一种耗费精神的情绪，后悔是比损失更大的损失，比错误更大的错误。所以不要后悔。　　
65.我们确实活得艰难，要承受种种外部的压力，更要面对自己内心的困惑。在苦苦挣扎中，如果有人向你投以理解的目光，你会感到一种生命的暖意，或许仅有短暂的一瞥，便足以使我感奋不已。　　
66.每个人都有潜在的能量，只是很容易被习惯所掩盖，被时间所迷离，被惰性所消磨。　　
67.相信时间的力量，可以冲淡很多东西。　　
68.记住:目光要深远。你的目光看多远你就能走多远。　　
69.人生有很多次如果，但是，没有一次“但是”。　　
70.永远不要瞧不起大学里的贫困生。　　
71.在大学时代看看学校的招聘会吧，你会感觉到一种前途的危机。全是人，全是人，全是人……　　
72.越大，我们就会发现对与错越是那么不明显，这不是错，这是事实，而且无法改变。　　
73.记住结交每一个值得结交的朋友。　　
74.无聊的时候，别忘记朋友。朋友无聊的时候，别忘记你是他们的朋友。　　
75.如果你没有珍惜大学这四年，你一定会抱憾终生。

This article is from my dear dear's space. I copied it here, to share with all of u, because after I read this article, I felt boosted with energy to start of my coming semester.

ends my 1st sem in UTAR->holiday

Time really flys in UTAR...it's not like last time that I have to suffer and wait for time to pass when i am in UM. I have lots of datelines to catch up with, a lot of home work to do, and lots of friends to go out with. I kind of love UTAR more and more...
To change university, from UM to UTAR is the best decision I have ever made, even people around me, friends and family members might think that I am crazy that I give up a chance to study in Malaysia's 1st university to study in an unknown university in Malaysia, that people will say something like:"ooo....TAR college", then I will have to cut in to say:" no, it's UTAR, not the same as TAR college", they will continue and say things like they know everything:" in Setapak 1 right? last time is TAR college ma....now change to UTAR already?"
Aihhhh....." not the same, TAR college is college, UTAR is university, same area, but different campus location"
So, now, people, do u get the point that UTAR is not equal to TAR college???
I am in University, not college!!!

Although I sometimes feel empty inside me, or feel very uncomfortable, knowing that I have nothing better to do then to sit there, day dreaming, but...thinking twice, I really can't imagine how I past each and every of my days in UM, doing nothing, do no study, have no homework and assignments, the time table is very empty, that i can go back penang almost everyday, and I have no much friends to go out with....
Terrible....

What I can do now is to hope that I have more and more date lines to meet up with, that I don't think much about things that I shouldn't think of, and have just enough time for me to rest a while and to take a deep breath and free my mind a bit.

World and life are tough for human being to live through, that humans have to go through stages and stages of life, and have to get through everything that comes to us (humans).
People, like my dad, always say that he wanted to become saint so that he don't have to go through the life cycle any more(according to the life cycle in buddism). However, if there is a chance for me to choose what do I want to become in my next life, I wanted to be human again, even that in the next life, I might be born in some place that is very miserable, or that my life is very tough and hard to go through each day, I wanted to be human again....
I don't know y I think of things like that, but I love being a human this live, even sometimes I have thoughts, through my head, that life is very difficult:D

LIVE LIFE WITH LOVE, LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE BEING HUMAN
live life now, not to grumble, and love everything you have and you don't:D:D:D

Peace!!

whose fault??

It's such a joke....dad just wanted to get things done, and wanted to get our house floor tiles perfect.
However, the interior designer just don't want to admit that she is wrong and she keep saying that she is not wrong, and don't want to get things done.

It's not that whose fault or it's not her fault, but the thing is, if u don't want to burden herself with the fees and the money that counts, it is that we wanted to get things done and she have to learn from her mistake and learn to get budget right next time.

Aih....it's not that I want to critisize females or have prejudise towards females, but, females, they just never think furthur then just what she see, also, they just never want to admit that she is wrong or never see anything to learn from, from her mistakes. They just keep mumbling, arguing, flying out words from their mouth, not thinking of what they say is right or wrong.

Lastly, what I want to say to all females is: don't get a big hat for urself if u don't have such a big head. Know what u r doing, see things furthur that wat u see now, and think before u act.

blogging

It's 2 weeks since i last posted any typings on my blog. It's just because my life is too 'sien' to post anything. Also, my brain stopped thinking bout things that affect ppl's life as well as anything that affect/influence the progress of my life. I am just enjoying what I have now, and wanted to stop thinking of things that is negative.

I should have learn to think positively at the beginning, not to complain bout things, and start to enjoy and have fun on what I am having now.
Ppl might say that I have such a wonderful life as what I see that have in ppl but not in me, but there's a chinese saying that: ppl who see things from the outside have clearer view of what the truth is.
So, why not I enjoy what I am having now, and STOP GRUMBLING!!

back in Penang just for fun

I am back in Penang on wednesday, 29/3/06. It's been 2 months since I last came back.

I didn't have much time to do things like seeing friends, eat things that is delicious in Penang, but I felt some how contented, coming back home.
I have to do my studies and prsentation preparation for next week, as next week will be a busy week, however, even that I have to work till late at night when I am here, but I am satisfied with my trip back here, at least I am not wasting my time day dreaming at setapak.

The feeling of to get online using my laptop is super nice. I can get online whenever I wanted, but just that mom and dad scared that the server and modem will get hot and caught on fire. So, I can't go online in my room, instead, I will have to do so in the study room, coz, by this, I can sort of like save electricity- only on 1 fan to cool down 2 things.

Hm...just felt that I don't want to go back Setapak, I want to stay in Penang...even I can't see my dear dear for a week...it is totally ok for me now. Sorry dear...

simple

Grandma was in kl,hm...since the day before, and will be back Penang today. Though I don't actually quite have anything to talk to her, but, it's good to have to be at her side, seeing her and talk some not much important thing with her, at least she can feel the warm.

At last, all my assignment is done.
just that I have not past them up:p
and all test is coming to the end, but still have another paper to go(computer system).

I wanted to start to be lazy for a while, so, that I can live life with all games and not to always be busy with things I don want to do, but have to do-HOMEWORK!!

anyway, life is great this week. normal, and nothing sad and heart breaking happen.

I will be going to pasar malam tonight:D

Thinking of Grandpa

I was thinking of gong gong when I took bus to UTAR this morning. The last sentence that he say to me is that not matter how far I go, of no matter how long I did not go to his house to see him, just remember him when I did not see him.
How sad....it's like he know that he will be going to somewhere very far and can't get to see me or talk to me anymore.

He just past away, like hm...102 days, and I just think that I should have went back last Sat to pay respect to him on the 100th day.

Nvm...hope that I will buy char hor fun and tao hua for him when I attend some sort of ceremony in grandma's.

PEACE gong gong:D

life's in order again

life's better, but with all sorts of nuisance that I created myself for me to think of and not for other ppl to bother about wat I am thinking of and wat I wanted to have in my life.

With all the assignments coming up, and all the notes and test that I have to back up in my studies, busy makes my life felt better then b4, as I wont think as much nonsense then I usually do.

Hope things will remain in a calm sea for as long as possible la~:D

Life is such a B*TCH!

Humans!
When something is with you or when something is near you, you wouldn't want them or try to avoid having them, even to just don want to have them.
However, when things you found out that you doesn't have but someone else have it, you will want to have it and fell very jealous towards ppl who have it in their hands.

For example: When I don't have a bf, I always want to have one and wanted a romantic 1st love where he really treat me like I am in heaven. However, things are not as what we have dreamt of. So, I was thinking and imagine all the "what if"s that might have happen if I don't have a bf.
On the other hand, ppl seems to be admiring me for having such a good bf and also wanted to have such a nice 1.
BUT, believe me, love life and a relationship is not such a fairy tale as it should be happening. You won't want to be involve in such a idiotic life.

For what I have learn, is that life is a B*tch and I have to be a B*tch to make me don't feel so miserable.

Live life of a B*tch!!

Tired~

I just felt tired and restless even I have had slept for almost 10hours a day~ I think I am nuts.

I just can't control myself, and I have a lot of things to do, as I stated in the last blog, but I just can't make it, I am very lazy and felt very tired to do anything-does any1 want to punch me until I am awake?? just forget it, I will still be lying on the floor for no reason....

Help me...I have all the things on earth to be finish up~
Maybe...maybe I just need an extreme "recharging" of energy...like a tour, a super shopping spree, or....hm....maybe just to use up a lot a lot of my money will make me feel better:p:p

Weeks and days

People around me just think that life is too short for them, as they have so many things in the world for them to finish off, but they just don't have enough time to do them all.

However, as for me, I just have so much time left for me to rest, to do things that I wanted to do, and sometimes I just felt too free that I am afraid that I might have no thing to do to past my time. On the other hand, I have so much things for me to finish up, e.g., to prepare notes for all subjects I am taking, to read up some extras, to do my assignment, to have my room clean....etc, etc. This things here seems to be very ignorable that I sometimes is so lazy to do them. Hm...but sometimes, I just think that I managed my time so well that I have so much time left for me to do a lot of things, and therefore, I always hope that time passes faster for me to finish my 3 years of study in UTAR.

Thinking of that, I felt depressed, however, I have so many frens here, and the things I am studying now is what I wanted to study....very confusing and contradicting...

Nvm, time will past as days and weeks past. Hope I will enjoy the things I have now, and not to always want to have things I don't have...

CHEERS!!

Busy life(tension) with hard to go to sleep nights+ Dreams

I am not actually as busy as other people might have beed carrying on with their lifes, because I am handling and planning all my time for myself and not for other people or events. I planned my time so as to make my life easier,e.g.: I write a set of notes which is understandable to myself that I only have to read through once when exam comes. However, I don't know where does my stress comes and I also don't know what am I afraid of, even I have made well preparations for what I wanted to do.

As in such conditions, I don't have enough sleep at night although I have "been sleeping" for almost 9 hours. My brain kept repeating the situations occur that day, and events which may happen in future. I just can't just switch off my brain process just like that. How????I am desparate to get a good night sleep....

Dreams--> I kept having dreams which occurs at different situation, place and event. But the same thing which is inside those dreams is that I felt very tired and don't have energy to get to a targeted place,e.g., last night, I dreamt that I have to go to the car park with my mom to get her car, to go back home. However, I am very very tired and can't even walk to the car park, but to crawl all the way there.

You see, it's weird...how can such dreams always comes into mine??
What does it represent?

Aih....cannot get a good sleep at night dee, still give me such nonsense dreams....BAD LUCK!!

Hope good luck will come to me soon:D

anonymus??my valentines day

Even though I said that it is not a must for couples to be together on this day, and everyday is a valentines day if they love each other~
BUT....wat an unsignificant valentines day I have had this year~
nvm~~future is yet to come....hope I will get a memorable one soon:D

Valentine's Day

A Valentine's Day is it suposed to be like every pair, like boy friends and girl friends have to celebrate it together, give each other gifts or even to like, hm...sort of like a must and not like a surprise or a anniversary or whatever???

At one thought, I think it should be like a chance for those people who have not found their boy/girl friends yet to ask/sort of like "propose", ask for a chance to be into part of each others life.
For example, like a boy does not have a girl friend, but he have a "target" girl, which he thinks that she is the one that he wanted. So, he does not know when to ask/when is the time to tell her he likes her, so, the time??VALENTINES DAY!!
He can sort of like give a small gift, or send a valentines day card to ask her to be his valentine or sort of things like that.
Then, maybe the relationship might continue, or the boy might get rejected, BUT, it's good for that poor guy, atleast he knows the girl does not have any good impression on him and he don't have to waste more time on that, so that he can set another "target".

However, on the other hand, if a boy/girl have had "the other half", he/she will surely dream or wanted something(gift) from him/her.
So, in the end, they will both get each other a gift, so that him/her won't be dissapointed.
At the end of the day~what happen???The sales person, the people who sells flower/small gifts get their "bonus of the year".

Anyway, hopeyou guys will get what you want for this Valentine's Day. And for those who haven't have a partner, hope you will get one very soon:D
HAPPY VALENTINE"S DAY!!

PTPTN loan and my dissapointment

I can finally get to relief my worries in my mind for not getting PTPTN loan, because I have got RM31500.00 of study loan, which is about RM900+ more than what I will have to pay for all the fees for the whole course I am going to study-biomedical science in UTAR.
However, I seems a bit not satisfied to the amout they gave me, because my friends mostly get about RM50000 for the whole 3 years of study. Aih....bo huat~

It's raining now, and that's why I am still here, online. So, having onlined yesterday morning, I don't quite have anything to do online, except to check my mails, which I did not go through yesterday morning, but just to delete those unwanted mails. I go to seach for my dear dear's msn space, having never ever seen my name or anything mentioned about my existance, I am actually quite angry, and dissapointed.
I know that he is not as free as I am, not having as much free time as I have, but....I just feel that he just don't want people to know that he have a girl friend, or simply wanted me to be sort of like "a woman behind a man". I don't want to be one. I wanted to be going through every step and having to share all his experience in life with him.
What do I get in return of all my doings?
1) get to be a girl who is not considerate
2) get to have all the sweet words from his mouth
3) never know much about his life
4) I don't know anything about his daily experience, until he is telling his friends about the event, and I am just happened to be there

I am not actually complaining, but I just want to know more, and to go as the same pace as he is going through. I don't want to be left behind, not knowing anything, until his friends tell me about it, or I am "just so happened" to be there.

Who am I in his life? just somebody? or nobody?

Dear,
I am not complaining or asking for more...I have tell u so many times that I don't want to say it again. It's just that, I think it's for me to know and for you to tell me.
It's not fair and not a point that I tell you everything, and that's the end of everything. SHUT UP AND CASE CLOSE!!

END OF STORY!!

Back to normal university routine

Have to get myself back to the state and mentality that I have to accept the fact the I have to continue my study(What kind of sentance is that??), although still want to have fun and enjoy my life at home.

However, it's not as bad as it is to be back at Setapak, I don't always have to decide what to eat, or don't want to have anything to go into my stomach, thanks to my grand aunt and all the friends I have that I have good food to eat and can explore places with all my friend here.

Yesterday, we ended our class at 11am, because the biochem class from 12-1 has been cancelled. So, we decided to go shopping at Sungai Wang- for valentine's day gift. It's kind of an excuse, because, even if we go back home/room, we don't quite have anything to do, but to study/ sleep- but we don want to do either of them.
oh ya~I have not tell you guys my friends(or group members) names yet right?
They are:-Nay Wah, Darren, Kwan Yi, Aik Aun, Sai Weng, Vincent, Michelle, Novem....did I miss anyone's name??forgive me if I missed your name on the list. pls tell me so that I can add in...

Lastly, why am I at Utar so early in the morning, even I only have class at 12noon? because I want free aircon, also, I can read up some notes when I am here. If I am at home, I don't think I will study anything.

p/s: saw some clouds on the way here. I am so happy. coz last few days I don see any on the sky. Hope it rains:D
it is terribly hot this few day, and the newspaper said that it will continue till mid march.

A week of CNY holiday

A week is actually not enough...
What have I been doing? go to visit all people that I have to visit in chinese new year, meet up frens from everywhere, have a good chat with my best fren, seeing my dear dear a lot, have a good time with my family, online, playing games, sleep, eat all the good food in penang, drive, discuss homework, etc,etc...

I have been doing a lot of things, but it seems that I want more. However, if I keep getting wat I want in life- which is to enjoy all the way till the end, I won't miss everything I have in life, and will keep complaining on things I don't have.

I have a lot of things people don't have in life. I have a good family which brought me up into a person who knows how to think before I act and have all the love I need from a family; I have my 1st love which is sweet and bitter at the same time, but filled with all the love which people wish to have in their relationship; I get to study wat I wanted to study, and decide wat I want to be in future; I get all the things I should have in life, not to say all things a rich person should have but they are just things that is necessary to have an enjoyable life; I have frens who I can have fun with, which I never notice when I can have them all the time last time; I have enough money for me to spend wisely.....I really have a great life, it's just that I am human, and I do wat human use to do, which is to complain about the things they don't have but not to apprecitiate things they have in life.

I should learn to enjoy and have fun...not always to complain, and not satisfy.

A person feels rich because they are satisfy with the things they have in life, on the other hand, felt poor because they always want to obtain things they can't afford/does not satisfy with things they can afford to have.

Be humble, satisfied easily but with target in life, enjoy life with smile always on the face, and, don't complain on what you have in life, but to thank god on what god give you on the time being....

Cheers~~

Am I Invisible??

Sometimes, I just felt like I am totally have no use and no sense staying on earth( I think I have mention this in previous blog, but never mind, I am very absent minded and maybe I can tell this and repeat my thoughts to myself again).

At times, when people are talking and I think I have some comments to give or to say something funny or to tell some silly jokes out of a statement, people just doesn't seems to hear what I said, even just to notice that I am talking. Maybe my voice is too tiny that people just think a mosquito just flew by, or is my voice frequency just not on channel to people's ear drum?? Maybe, things that came out from my mouth is nothing but bullshit that doesn't make any sense till people's ear just have kind of sixth sense to filter out my point of view and continue their conversation?

I know that I like to bullshit and make up nonsense and silly joke out of no where; but this is me, this is what I am good at(in talking, I mean). I can make up jokes and funny sentences from no where, and IT IS FUNNY!! people laugh at it, if they heard it(by accident??). However, I think I have bullshited too much that people just think that things that come out from my mouth all makes no sense at all, but they do, at times.

Maybe, I should shut up my mouth, starting from today(which I have promised myself to do so since ages), but it's hard you know.
How do you know when to shut up if you have already have a habit and a root where you have to talk when you have some comments or ideas of your own?
It felt really terrible not to speak out what I have in mind, because I will forget the whole thing just after I blurt it out. I love to forget things and events, because this won't add any trouble for me. Also, I won't think badly about people ( I will tend to forget what have just happened).

Aih...sad....how come people just ignore what I said? why my words and voice is nothing in people's ears? why if someone's comment or jokes is not funny and is not right, but others listen to it, but mine is not in this way?

That is why I have this blog???Maybe....

1st day of Chinese new year

Happy Chinese new year to all my friends and families~~

just got back from KL yesterday where I have to take a bus which is 9 hours to get to penang. The bus started at 9.30am sharp at pudu, but when we reaches Rawang, the jam at the highway is terrible, we can hardly move. Till 12.45 pm, the bus is still at Rawang. The bus actually start moving quite smoothly on 2+pm, so, when I reaches Sg. Nibong bus station, it's 5.30pm already. What a journey...

It's chinese new year and my anually routine is to go from house to house to collect angpow and also to wish those family members older than me.
But for this year, there is some slight changes as my mom is not being able to go with us, but she have to stay at home the whole day, because grandma says that she should not do so, cause grandpa just past away not long ago.

From year to year, older people is not around any more, and my cousin sisters and brothers older than me starts to get married one by one till now, the olders is I think,around 28...
Last time the olders in our group is hm...maybe 30+?? donno...it's just that the group is getting smaller and smaller, and the people that we have to visit is lesser and lesser.
Until one day, I will have to give out angpow instead of collecting....

Birthday Party—26/1/06

I went to my classmate, Michelle’s (she is our class rep actually) birthday party.
At first, I am reluctant to go to the party, as I think I am not close to her, don’t really quite know her, also, it’s kind of weird to go to friend’s house, with all her relatives and friends, which, of course, those who are like total stranger to me.

But, at last, after some persuasion from my friends and one of them said that he can drive me to and from the friend’s house, so, ok…I have my safely secured also, I might get to know Michelle better…so, why not??

It’s kind of a manner to go to people’s party because he/she have invited you to go. You just can’t make all sorts of excuses, not to go, then it’s like….don’t know how to say, it’s just not right in some sense.

It’s actually quite fun. The food in the party is awesome, just that I don’t quite eat anything there, but the variety, the taste is very unusual. Also, I have not been to people’s birthday party since…hm….maybe centuries ago…

Anyway, HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!!!And thanks for your invitation to your birthday party. I enjoy the party very much

Centrifugation lab-> Dr. Woo part II—20/1/06

Ok….here goes again.

Today’s lab is about centrifuging milk with acetic acid, so as to separate them into 2 layers.
What question will arise from the sentence above?

What are the 2 layers?
Good question! And this is what I asked her.

Her answer at first is: I just want you to write your observations. (ok, not answering my question, right?)
So, maybe I don’t get her to understand my question, so, I rephrase my question: What is the composition of the 2 layers?
L: The solid part is protein.
Me: Ok, ic…protein.

Then she say something like: why do you always want to make your life so complicated?
Ok, I wanted to make my life complicated, but isn’t that we should have a wider knowledge and not to know what we have to know only??

I wanted my life to be complicated!! YES!! But, the thing is I wanted to make your life miserable to!!

Lecturer???Bullshit!!—18/1/2006

I have been telling this situation or so called “event” to my dear dear, my mom, and my friends, but, I am still not satisfy with what I have encounter, because I don’t have any solution to it, also, I can’t do anything about it.

Ok, here goes….
I have asked a question about pKa and pI value to my biochem lecturer (though me and my friend already have a sense that she can’t give me any further explaination, except that the fact is a fact, case close!). However, I still go to her because I think biochem is her major and what she should be pro at.
This is the question: I heard and seen something lie this in Dr. Kim’s class, but I still don’t know how to calculate and get the pI value if I have 3 ionization group in an amino acid.
Answer: Don’t compare my notes with Dr. Kim’s. What she lecture is her lecture. For my lecture. For my lecture, you have to know how to calculate but it won’t come out in Exam.
Me: So, we don’t have to know how to calculate the pI if we have a 3 ionizable group in an amino acid lor??
L: It doesn’t mean you don’t have to know. You have to.
Ok, by the way, my main question is not being answered yet!
Me: Then, how?
L: What do you mean?
Me: How do we get the pI value if there is 3 ionisable group? Do we have to get the et charge of the amino acid before we can calculate? Cause I can’t understand that in Dr. Kim’s lecture. (Ting~ another time, things that I should not say)
L: That you will have to ask her, that’s in her lecture notes not in mine.
Me: But you have that in your notes also.
L: Show me! Where??!?!
Ok, then, I took out my notes (hers) and show her the statement.

What is her reaction? She look at the statement, repeatly reading it, blur, then calculating with a calculator to try on some values(which proved that she also don’t know how to get the value-I supposed)
Then, what’s next??Repeat to me the fact again and again that we have to use (pKa1 + pKa2)/2 to get pI.

Me: How do we know that the pI is between pKa2 and pKa3?
L: Ok, why do an amino acid have 3 pKa s?
Me: Because they have 3 ionizable group attached to the carbon atom??
L: Right! So, some amino acid have 3 pKa. Do you know what is a pKa??....bla bla bla…Do you know what is equilibrium??(Ok, I just noticed that I have been treated as if I know nothing about chemistry.)
So, what should I do next?? To act as if I know nothing of cause. Not that I want to act, but just for me to get down the stage better, also, I don’t know what to ask her anymore. I just want to finish the whole conversation fast, and get out of the class as soon as possible.
Then, continue some bla bla bla, which I have forgotten what I have said, which my answers are mostly something like Oh….like that. And the whole conversation ends with Thank you Dr.

Conclusion,
I would like to thank Dr Woo Kuan Kit very much (from the bottom of my heart, if u don’t believe that I thank you, I really do). I made myself looked like an idiot, because I some how sensed that you some how visualized me as one ( sorry if I misunderstood you) But, I like people to have their leg on my head, pushed me hard with their feet so as my face is totally invisible to others, (lose my face totally) and have myself think that I am an idiot. Thanks for that, and I really mean it( just to emphasise).
It’s a feeling which I have people look down on me, so that I will push myself harder, don’t be lazy all the time,to make myself want to prove myself to others, and to achieve whatever goal I set for myself.

Thank You Very Much!!

??Should we argue points after a lecture if we don’t quite understand the lecture?
??Is a lecturer, should be a pro in what he/she lectures?
??Can we discuss a point which lecturer A said in his/her lecture, with lecturer B, if we think that lecturer B is a pro and will be a better person to explain the point??
??What does she mean by: what Dr. Kim lectures is in her lecture, you should ask her?
??Isn’t that biology is am overall thing, which is a complementary of all subjects, here and there?
??Does she mean that I should not exit in the questions I ask than what is in her lectures?
??What does a lecturer does?
??Can’t we direct questions(not in lectures) to a lecturer if we think that he/she is a pro?
??Who should we ask questions if we studied something/ or want to know more detail about something?

I am the only person asking “the stupid question”, which I assume everyone in the class should have know the answer,and get bullshitted.
Who in the hell should help me? Where is the friend who supported me to ask the question, when I need his support?I know my English is bad, I just can’t get my question understand by people.
I suddenly just miss my best friend-Suat Hwa, and my dear dear very much.
If they are beside me, they will sure help me when I need help. They can just read my mind.

Sad, down, depressed, miserable, helpless, stupid, idiotic….

I actually wanted to cry when she say something like don’t compare her with Dr. Kim. I know I have said something wrong. But, I know I have to be strong, can’t let people just step over me without having to use any strength.

LET TIME PROVE EVERYTHING!

Routine Since in UTAR—12/1/2006

It’s almost a week since I last wrote.

It’s quite fun though, having most of my time filled with something, and I have less worries then last time(in UM), that I will have too much time, and don’t know what to do with all the time I have.

I barely worry that I might have nothing to do the next day or what I should do over the weekends. As for weekdays, at day, I will have all my time filled by being in UTAR, having classes, have chats with my new friends, have to wait for bus to take me to and from UTAR. It’s not like last time that I can estimate exactly my time, that I don’t have to worry that I might miss a bus or miss a bus stop for the driver to leave me behind, or even that I can’t walk to lecture, instead, my time is mostly dependent on the schedule of the bus and the mood of the bus driver to drive the bus.

As for night, after class, I will have a bath 1st, then, go to grandaunt’s house to watch soap opera. By then, time will have reached 8pm(at least), then, having to read newspaper of the particular day. By the time I finish all things done at grandaunt’s, it will be some time 9pm.

So, as I am as early “sleeper”, mostly I will be very sleepy and too tired to do anything at 11pm.

That’s almost everything about what I did everyday after I enter UTAR.

First week in UTAR—6/1/2006

It’s the fifth day since I came down KL on 2nd of January. Here, I will summaries all what I have dome in these 5 days because I was too tired to write anything for the blog, I even to refresh what the lecturers have taught in the class. Also, I can’t online at the place I am staying.

1st day:- Went down to KL with my parents, cause my things are terribly a lot, which is a total of full load of a car boot, without any space spare. Took my fifth aunt who is staying in KL back with us. It’s kind of like a free ride back to KL, also, we have to car pool to safe the environment right:p
Unload all my things to a room which I rented, situated at the second floor where my grandaunt lives. Then, went out to try take a bus to UTAR. The total time taken to travel nowhere is 3 hours!! Then, went back to unpack my things, bath, then have dinner with my parents, then slept early that night.

2nd day:- Went to UTAR with the companion of my parents, but when we reached wangsamaju LRT station, met some UTARians who are willing to help me get to UTAR. Thanks!
A half day of orientation, with the only person I knew before- Aik Aun, who also don’t have any friends in UTAR. Then have my 1st public relations class and also lectures on structural chemistry and cell biology. The lecturers are total, hundred percent better then those in UM. But, this is just my 1st impression on them…
Went back, totally tired. But luckily, my grandaunt have fried rice, and have had that as my dinner, which also make me feel like home, not feeling down and depressed.

3rd day:- Went to UTAR a bit later, cause I have class only at 10am. But, the house owner thought that I over slept, and woke me up at 7:15 am. It’s very kind of her, but….I WANT MORE SLEEP!!! Can’t get into sleep anymore, so, woke up my dear dear to chat with me on the phone.
After orientation, we have had a tea session, which I have a chance to know a lecturer better (she teaches me cell biology->Dr. Kim). She is cool~
Back at home, past grandaunt’s house, and wow, she cooked a full dinner with rice! So, I have had that as my dinner. How lucky I am to stay here, near to my dearest grandaunt! Thanks!( I don’t know what more I can I say:p)

4th day, today!!
We have had a mass call today as a closing for the orientation ( but I still cannot understand what is a mass call). We cited the Rukun Negara and some student declaration and…that’s the end of the orientation???? Just not what I expect from my past experience in UM.
Met more friends today, and talked to more people as each day passed. Hope I can improve on the number of my friends:D
Back home, washed my clothes, which were “collectives” from day 1. Then grand aunt asked me if I wanted to go to the pasar malam. So, I did. On the way, Yee Lin and Ling Ling called and say they will meet up with me at the pasar malam, at front door of 7-eleven. So, after that even it’s raining, we and a friend of them(sorry, I forgot her name already), continue “shopping”

To conclude, it’s not bad staying here, as it’s really quite convenient in every way. However, the main problem is that I have to wake up 2 hours earlier than the time I have to reach UTAR. Also, I have to take 2 busses to get there. It’s about RM 2 per day just for transport purposes.

updating my post in my blog

I am currently studying in Utar, that I stayed in a place where I can't get to online everyday like last time.

I can only online in the library in UTAR.
Will update my blog and tell u guys wat my life in Utar is all about when I go back Penang for my chinese new year break.
C ya~

Happy New Year 2006!

It's a brand new year~and here are my new year resolutions:-

1. I want health, which is that I won't fall sick easily.
2. I want happiness, and not to always feel down.
3. I will have to find a lot of friends, and not to feel lonely.
4. I want my time to be used just nice, so that I won't feel too tired or too bored.
5. I want my love ones to have more time for me. (but not more till always together, or be apart for months or weeks.)
6. I want to be hardworking on my studies, and get good results.
7. I want to suit myself better in the new environment.
8. I want to be more matured.
9. I want to have myself more independent.
10. I want myself to be more loving.
11. I want myself to talk only when it's time for me to talk.
12. I want to be nice to everyone.
13. I want myself to know how to spend money wisely.
14. I want to have my time all set right on time.
Lastly, I wish that god will look after me no matter what I am doing, so that I have a better direction on what I should do.

Thanks God.
And the most important thing is that I will have to sacrifies something to get those things I wish to have.
Hope I can do it!